lets not love

lets not love
by mzpoetic

TIME PASSES BY SLOWLY EVERY TIME  WE FIGHT
I MISS  YOU WHEN WE ARE APART I HATE EVERY TIME
WE HAVE A DISAGREEMENT WE GROW  FUTHER  APART
ALL I WANT IS FOR US  TO LOVE EACH OTHER  AND COME
TO AGREEMENT  SO WE DON'T   BE APART  SAY THINGS
WE NEVER MEAN  BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY  WE
SAY SORRY  IN ARE OWN LITTLE  WAY .
HE MELTS MY  SOUL WITH HIS KISS MY HEART  BEATS FASTER  
EVERY TIME  WERE  ARE CLOSER CAUSE  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
WE COULD NEVER  BE MAD  FOR TO LONG  CAUSE  WE GROW EACH
AND EVERY DAY SO LET NOT DO THIS CAUSE  WE COME TO FAR  TO FALL
APART  NOW MY LOVE  

SO LETS NOT MY LOVE  

Please direct your poem to
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/workshop/read/7129/
if it's for critiques. Post it on your own page too.

this is great, very raw and honest

so good, so cutting edge, so much veracity!

things written all in caps give people headaches........

Let's not love it sucks.. Just fuck

A few notes before I start. Shouty caps lock is not edgy or necessary. If you want impact and attention learn to do it with your choice of language and literary tools and not by shouting at people with mediocrity. Unfortunately the overuse of caps lock leaves your audience with the impression of immaturity, even at a glance and gives readers headaches. With those points taken into account why not consider laying off the caps opening your readership to a wider audience.



lets not love
by mzpoetic

TIME PASSES BY SLOWLY EVERY TIME  WE FIGHT
I MISS  YOU WHEN WE ARE APART
I HATE EVERY TIME WE HAVE A DISAGREEMENT
WE GROW FUTHER further APART

ALL I WANT IS FOR US  TO LOVE EACH OTHER  
AND COME TO AGREEMENT SO WE DON'T BE APARTSAY THINGS WE NEVER MEAN
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY  
WE  SAY SORRY IN ARE our OWN LITTLE WAYs

HE MELTS MY SOUL WITH HIS KISS
MY HEART BEATS FASTER  
EVERY TIME WERE ARE CLOSER
BeCAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
WE COULD NEVER BE MAD FOR TOo LONG  
beCAUSE WE GROW EACH AND EVERY DAY
SO LETs NOT DO THIS CAUSE  
WE’ve COME TOo FAR  
TO FALL APART NOW MY LOVE  

SO LET’S NOT MY LOVE  

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It’s easy to correct spelling and grammar and give alternative structure, but there is nothing I can do about the content being about as deep as a teaspoon as well as redundant. If you're serious about honing your writing craft the only suggestions I can give you is read read read read read more. By exposing yourself to new ideas, styles and language you will begin to grow. Then take it from there.

As the majority have already said.  I can't offer anything better than Miss G has already given.

the poet joined 55 days ago and left on the same day. No point in further critique;she won't read it.