Weakness
I feel weak when I realize I am in no way self-sufficient and will probably be living off my parents for a lot longer than I hope.
Also one related to gender but not in the way you'd expect. I'm genderqueer. When people blow off my identity or refuse to acknowledge it, there's a certain component of weakness I feel there. Not because I'm damaged in any way by it, but because I know I likely can do nothing to make them see me for who I am. Dramatic, I know, but it's true.
Also one related to gender but not in the way you'd expect. I'm genderqueer. When people blow off my identity or refuse to acknowledge it, there's a certain component of weakness I feel there. Not because I'm damaged in any way by it, but because I know I likely can do nothing to make them see me for who I am. Dramatic, I know, but it's true.
Physically I don't feel weak. Rarely is there a "average daily" physical challenge that I can not meet or exceed many male counterparts... Generally I am stronger intellectually, but I become weak under attack of my emotions and behavioral issues associated with emotional illness
Can't Sleep
It's been a long day since I've closed my eyes
two packs down and I'm terrorized,
don't know who to turn to too many lies
I just want to be alone cause there's no one
to sympathize with. They say they understand
my pain but they haven't cried their souls out
and I just want to know if I can live without -
her. 3 A.M. smoking cigarettes I'm in a
pure drought, when I'm happy that tends
to be a doubt contemplating what I did
wrong, I can't sleep. I can't sleep
Cigarettes, weed arguments with fam
I don't know what happen I don't know
who I've become, late night walks I
just want to block out everyone and
put my dirge on. My mom calls me,
and she calls me begging me to tell
her where I'm at and I ignore her
cause she's my mom and I yell
at her cause I try to be a man
and not a damn thing happens
cause I've outdone my flaws
and it gets me thinking at night
and I can't sleep. I can't sleep.
It's been a long day since I've closed my eyes
two packs down and I'm terrorized,
don't know who to turn to too many lies
I just want to be alone cause there's no one
to sympathize with. They say they understand
my pain but they haven't cried their souls out
and I just want to know if I can live without -
her. 3 A.M. smoking cigarettes I'm in a
pure drought, when I'm happy that tends
to be a doubt contemplating what I did
wrong, I can't sleep. I can't sleep
Cigarettes, weed arguments with fam
I don't know what happen I don't know
who I've become, late night walks I
just want to block out everyone and
put my dirge on. My mom calls me,
and she calls me begging me to tell
her where I'm at and I ignore her
cause she's my mom and I yell
at her cause I try to be a man
and not a damn thing happens
cause I've outdone my flaws
and it gets me thinking at night
and I can't sleep. I can't sleep.
This is will probably sound really dramatic but I feel every time I open my eyes and see how f' d up this world is, and I can't do crap about it. The sheer feeling of helplessness is always an undercurrent for me, reminding me how weak I really am.
Anonymous
what makes me feel weak... umm, like most people....pretty much everything.
...and also, feeling self conscious about my eyelashes.
...and also, feeling self conscious about my eyelashes.
infinitebeauty1 said:i would feel weak if i was ever to get raped. (thankfully it has never happened) but i feel like that is the ultimate attack on any woman.
It's gotta be worse for a dude.
Anyway, i feel week Monday through Saturday. Ha.
But anyway, I really feel weak when I cry...and when I have to laugh at my own jokes.
It's gotta be worse for a dude.
Anyway, i feel week Monday through Saturday. Ha.
But anyway, I really feel weak when I cry...and when I have to laugh at my own jokes.
I'm in a bad spot. I'm with a Russian and have a son. My son is my light and for him....anything. I thought it weak as a woman to ever let a man beat you, intimidate, control.
The Russian filled a lie with the police, after I stood up for myself and now I have charges. Charges that keep me caged for now. But I am with my son. I can not leave with my son. So I pretend to be a double agent. I practice smiling as I mow the lawn. I serve him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I ask him for nothing, I do not advocate for my needs or wants, I do not disagree. This is fully against my true nature and I am fucking starving for love, affection, respect and freedom. But I have this beautiful two year old boy whom the Russian doesn't teach, nurture, or play games with. I do. I'm up at 5, the Russian, he sleeps until noon. I play the role of Beaver Cleaver. Sometimes in my mind I say "how weak, how small I am and this is my heart breaking as I am in a constant fight with myself. 10 months probation, 8 months to go. My external life is a lie. And I hate liars. The entire focus of my being is the safety of my son. Peering in I would say "What a weak subservient woman" but in truth I am a caged tiger chewing carfully on a bone the Russian threw me and fashioning a key" Posting this is a danger, but this solitude.....I am so tired.
The Russian filled a lie with the police, after I stood up for myself and now I have charges. Charges that keep me caged for now. But I am with my son. I can not leave with my son. So I pretend to be a double agent. I practice smiling as I mow the lawn. I serve him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I ask him for nothing, I do not advocate for my needs or wants, I do not disagree. This is fully against my true nature and I am fucking starving for love, affection, respect and freedom. But I have this beautiful two year old boy whom the Russian doesn't teach, nurture, or play games with. I do. I'm up at 5, the Russian, he sleeps until noon. I play the role of Beaver Cleaver. Sometimes in my mind I say "how weak, how small I am and this is my heart breaking as I am in a constant fight with myself. 10 months probation, 8 months to go. My external life is a lie. And I hate liars. The entire focus of my being is the safety of my son. Peering in I would say "What a weak subservient woman" but in truth I am a caged tiger chewing carfully on a bone the Russian threw me and fashioning a key" Posting this is a danger, but this solitude.....I am so tired.
