THANKS DUP! ... I'm moving on!
DarkEnchantress said:C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!!
LSP, i am so extremely excited for you! To be certain, with your amazing talent,this an honor you so truly deserve!!!
Please know that i will definitely be sending extra positive energy your way! My very best to you, mo chara!
Sl`ainte!
Thank you dear heart ... Your thoughts and comments are always welcome mo Chara, and just what I needed as I start to whittle through this first draft.
LSP, i am so extremely excited for you! To be certain, with your amazing talent,this an honor you so truly deserve!!!
Please know that i will definitely be sending extra positive energy your way! My very best to you, mo chara!
Sl`ainte!
Thank you dear heart ... Your thoughts and comments are always welcome mo Chara, and just what I needed as I start to whittle through this first draft.
... Then start editing. I posted the story, "Last Season as a Boy", I submitted for this contest in the DUP fictional prose section.
48 hours from time of notice to crank out a ghost story with a gas station and dunce cap.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/184118-last-season-as-a-boy-nyc-ff-2014---3-of/
48 hours from time of notice to crank out a ghost story with a gas station and dunce cap.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/184118-last-season-as-a-boy-nyc-ff-2014---3-of/
Just an update ... Just got word I didn't make it into the final round of the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction competition.
I'm disappointed ... And I'm not going to pretend I'm happy to have made it from the pool of 1,000 to the semis of 125 ... It's all just stoked the fire telling me I've got A LOT more to learn as a writer and artist.
Thanks for the kind words and well wishes. Next up is the NYC Midnight Short Story competition and their video competition as well. That's a 24 hour turnaround for you interested videographers.
The official feedback on my semi final flash fiction write is due in a few days and I'll post it here.
Peace
Again many thanks for the support.
I'm disappointed ... And I'm not going to pretend I'm happy to have made it from the pool of 1,000 to the semis of 125 ... It's all just stoked the fire telling me I've got A LOT more to learn as a writer and artist.
Thanks for the kind words and well wishes. Next up is the NYC Midnight Short Story competition and their video competition as well. That's a 24 hour turnaround for you interested videographers.
The official feedback on my semi final flash fiction write is due in a few days and I'll post it here.
Peace
Again many thanks for the support.
JUDGES FEEDBACK:
The feedback from the judges on your Challenge #3 story from the Flash Fiction Challenge 2014 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you were inspired by the challenges!
''Last Season as a Boy'' by LSP ... WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - Where this piece excels is in its atmosphere and description; fine examples include: "They were no longer ghosts of the night, just old fat men laughin' and cussin'" and "dunce caps made bright by their torches" (brilliant description of KKK members -- so artfully done).//The voice of this character is realistic, not stereotypical, and consistently childlike throughout..........This is an intriguing story. The narrative is descriptive, the dialogue clear. Interesting denouement....Likening KKK hoods to dunce caps is a stroke of brilliance. There is depth to this story that transcends the genre beautifully. The main character is sympathetic and memorable. The title is intriguing; the opening is vivid and compelling................................................................ WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - What's lacking in this is solidarity -- in other words, not everything completely connects. Case in point: the grandfather's singing is stressed in the opening, and then returns at the end, but it isn't mentioned at any other point in the story; it also doesn't seem to mean that much, as far as emotion- or comfort-wise, to the protagonist. How does the singing ground this character? The use of the three-beat -- such as the protagonist remembering a certain melody when he faces the trauma of seeing the beaten individual -- would help bring this into balance. Another area needing some tightening is the character's conflict/crisis/change. What does he learn, or not learn, from this experience? Clearly, he's a ghost -- that's established at the end (and if that wasn't what was intended, then this needs a bit of clarity as well) -- and he's being reunited with this grandparents. Has this been going on for awhile? Has he been wandering, looking for them? Or were they killed during the course of the story? On another front, much is made of his saying "ma'am" and "sir," but beyond the scene with his grandmother, we don't see him use those terms again.//On a smaller note, the opening line notes that the protagonist's skin goes from "pecan" to "blueberry jam" -- his skin goes from pale brown to dark blue and red like a bruise? That's a little confusing; the reader's trying to envision someone whose skin has turned indigo or purple..........You have started out this story in present tense and then trade it for past tense later. I don’t know if that was intentional but in my view it is best to keep within the one tense throughout. “shoed” should be “shooed”. ...This fine story could benefit from more clarity regarding what happens when because it's a little confusing now. It appears the boy finds out he's a ghost at the end when he returns to a burned-out home, sees evidence of his and his grandparents' deaths, and then joins his grandparents in the yard. When he left on the errand right before this, however, there was no inkling that anything was amiss. The paragraph describing his grandad praying with the rifle in his lap and the next, when it's "true" morning do not indicate the KKK attacks their home that night. If that is indeed when the home is burned, even the sound of footsteps in the yard or some other threatening sound could foreshadow what was coming. Having them pass by the fence carrying torches isn't quite enough. They could have been on their way to another victim, especially when the next morning everything appears to be normal. There's no hint there that anything is amiss either..................................…........................
The feedback from the judges on your Challenge #3 story from the Flash Fiction Challenge 2014 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you were inspired by the challenges!
''Last Season as a Boy'' by LSP ... WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - Where this piece excels is in its atmosphere and description; fine examples include: "They were no longer ghosts of the night, just old fat men laughin' and cussin'" and "dunce caps made bright by their torches" (brilliant description of KKK members -- so artfully done).//The voice of this character is realistic, not stereotypical, and consistently childlike throughout..........This is an intriguing story. The narrative is descriptive, the dialogue clear. Interesting denouement....Likening KKK hoods to dunce caps is a stroke of brilliance. There is depth to this story that transcends the genre beautifully. The main character is sympathetic and memorable. The title is intriguing; the opening is vivid and compelling................................................................ WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - What's lacking in this is solidarity -- in other words, not everything completely connects. Case in point: the grandfather's singing is stressed in the opening, and then returns at the end, but it isn't mentioned at any other point in the story; it also doesn't seem to mean that much, as far as emotion- or comfort-wise, to the protagonist. How does the singing ground this character? The use of the three-beat -- such as the protagonist remembering a certain melody when he faces the trauma of seeing the beaten individual -- would help bring this into balance. Another area needing some tightening is the character's conflict/crisis/change. What does he learn, or not learn, from this experience? Clearly, he's a ghost -- that's established at the end (and if that wasn't what was intended, then this needs a bit of clarity as well) -- and he's being reunited with this grandparents. Has this been going on for awhile? Has he been wandering, looking for them? Or were they killed during the course of the story? On another front, much is made of his saying "ma'am" and "sir," but beyond the scene with his grandmother, we don't see him use those terms again.//On a smaller note, the opening line notes that the protagonist's skin goes from "pecan" to "blueberry jam" -- his skin goes from pale brown to dark blue and red like a bruise? That's a little confusing; the reader's trying to envision someone whose skin has turned indigo or purple..........You have started out this story in present tense and then trade it for past tense later. I don’t know if that was intentional but in my view it is best to keep within the one tense throughout. “shoed” should be “shooed”. ...This fine story could benefit from more clarity regarding what happens when because it's a little confusing now. It appears the boy finds out he's a ghost at the end when he returns to a burned-out home, sees evidence of his and his grandparents' deaths, and then joins his grandparents in the yard. When he left on the errand right before this, however, there was no inkling that anything was amiss. The paragraph describing his grandad praying with the rifle in his lap and the next, when it's "true" morning do not indicate the KKK attacks their home that night. If that is indeed when the home is burned, even the sound of footsteps in the yard or some other threatening sound could foreshadow what was coming. Having them pass by the fence carrying torches isn't quite enough. They could have been on their way to another victim, especially when the next morning everything appears to be normal. There's no hint there that anything is amiss either..................................…........................
