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suicide survivors

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

BradyGidge said:2 years ago I attempted suicide by overdosing, after suffering through depression from a nasty breakup. It gives me chills remembering that I couldn't even control my impulse to die, I just felt controlled to do so, like I had no choice. Needless to say I woke up and remember being so surprised to be alive, and I wasn't exactly excited about it but when someone close to me found out they were so grateful. Needless to say it's been a rough road, and I still don't enjoy life a whole lot, but I'm still here and pushing through, and hoping for a lot of positive change in the near future. I think as I've grown and matured I've lost my will of suicide, and like to say I welcome death, but I won't force it.
yep some times knowing someone really cares makes all the difference. glad to hear your on the right path


femmebionic
Lost Thinker
United States
Joined 25th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 3

Stuck a .38 in my mouth.  Pulled the trigger...nothing.  Just a faint click.  It stuck!  Fully loaded, cleaned, oiled...you're talking about a trusty piece.  I was SUPER angry that I didn't succeed, but now things are much better.

rachelmae
Thought Provoker
United States 2awards
Joined 16th Feb 2014
Forum Posts: 59

Too many times to recall, ive almost tried it all.
drowning, hanging, cutting my wrists, overdosing, jumping, suffocating, choking myself, slow death by anorexia and bulimia...
just the tip of the iceberg. It's still too much, too painful to remember.
now I'm in therapy, being watched closely by my friends.
my parents were ashamed, are ashamed... they kept it really quiet, too quiet.
but I'm fine.... always just fine.

my first suicide note... sorta long but there was alot i wanted to be remembered...

Dear anyone who cares,
im sorry im never good enough. i hate that i dont measure up. ive tried too hard and fought so long, but im just too weak to ever be strong. i dont want to hurt you anymore, you're better off without me here. there's no stopping me, i dont belong in this world. it's not your fault, i know you tried your best to change my mind. but this isn't just a thought i can forget, nor an idea i can erase from my head. i cant do this anymore. i cant fight it. im not the warrior you want me to be. im not the little angel girl you thought i was, but soon ill be as close as ill ever get to one. i know you loved me, i know you always told me that and i wish i could have believed it. but dont worry, all the pain will be gone soon. for me, and youll move on in a little while. just remember me when i used to smile.remember when i was happy, not as i am. remember how i used to laugh at the stupidest things and just be crazy because that was me. remember how i danced , badly, but how i danced when i was happy. how i wrote songs and loved to sing in my car. remember that me, not the one you found. remember how i never had a date, but had a good time anyway. remember how much i poured my heart into my music and acting. remember my first play. remember my first concert. remember how excited i was when i made concert choir. remember the good times, remember me happy. don't think about how i hardly ate, how i was bullied and never said a word about it. you never knew, but i cried myself to sleep every night for so long. so im sorry. sorry i have to say goodbye. sorry i made one too many mistakes. sorry im not here to comfort you. sorry i caused you so much pain. im sorry i could never tell you how much i hurt.i didnt want you to worry. i didnt want my burdens, my troubles, to become yours. i thought i could handle it alone, i thought i could fight it off. but i failed. im sorry, ive always been a failure. but remember that my favorite color was purple. remember that my second favorite color was light green. remember that my favorite artists were Demi Lovato and Francesca Battistelli. remember that my second family was chorus. remember how much Blowing Rock meant to me. remember how long i begged you to let me go on the Disney trip. remember that i sound alot like Alanis Morrisette when i sing. remember that my eyes were like blue crystal oceans. remember that i laugh like a fairy. remember it all. remember i loved to travel. remember i loved scuba diving, even though i was afraid of drowning. remember i always wanted to fly even though i was scared of heights. remember i almost went to an arts school in New York, but couldnt. remember my dream was to have my songs on the radio and be an actress. remember i loved to help people. my hair was red when i was a baby. i hated vegetables. except potatoes. i loved ice cream. i was addicted to chocolate and soda. pizza was my favorite food. i liked honey chicken. i never got the chance to prove the world wrong or make a difference. forgive me. i wasnt strong enough. im sorry i hid this from you. im sorry i chose this path. im sorry im not there holding your hand telling you everything's alright. because i cant anymore. it was never alright. i was made fun of since elementary school. i never met their standards. i was never pretty enough. i was hurt by the one person i trusted. verbally and emotionally abused. i had a best friend, that tried their best to save me, but i was too far gone. im sorry.  i gave up on life. you lost me to the world and to my own mind. im sorry. so sorry. its my fault, its always my fault. if you're reading this im most likely not around to explain. i never was good at explaining, but i was a master at faking. faking a smile when tears were drowning my heart. i shouldve known better. i thought i was worthless. im sorry i hurt you. im sorry i wasnt strong enough to stop myself again. im sorry i was depressed. forgive me, forgive yourselves for not knowing. i never let you get close enough to see.i never dreamed that id commit suicide. it just happened. forgive me. but dont forget me. do you miss me? was i loved after all? if so, i wish i had known that sooner.i wish you had had a clue of the tortured heart i was masking all this time. maybe things could have ended differently.
With loving regret,
Your faded whisper in the wind,
Rachel

johnrot
Tyrant of Words
21awards
Joined 10th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 3645

femmebionic said:Stuck a .38 in my mouth.  Pulled the trigger...nothing.  Just a faint click.  It stuck!  Fully loaded, cleaned, oiled...you're talking about a trusty piece.  I was SUPER angry that I didn't succeed, but now things are much better.

you have a better chance of winning the lottery than a 38 misfiring. it's one of the most dependable rounds in the world, depending on the manufacturer, especially in a revolver.....if you ain't faking, appreciate everyday lady. it's all fun and games until you cleanin up somebody else's brains....

Pathospassion
c.d.latin
Thought Provoker
United States 8awards
Joined 1st Feb 2014
Forum Posts: 172

If your plan is to kill yourself
If your plan is to kill yourself
Take the Advil all at once
And take a lot of them
Because taking two at a time throughout the day
Just leaves you feverish
And too tired to take more....
I only got to number four
Or more

I do not recall


If your plan is to kill yourself
Take the Advil all at once
And take a lot of them
Because taking two at a time throughout the day
Just leaves you feverish
And too tired to take more....
I only got to number four
Or more

just answer my prayers
And leave me not alone
Shaking and broken
Screaming for an opening to Heaven

My heart is torn and severed
I was sewn together
But now i am wetter than wetter
In this thunderstorm
Of tumultuous demons
Consuming my peace
And leaving me searching
For something cleaner than Self


Yeah i popped pills slowly throughout the day and i think i downed at least six but thought 4 would sound better for some reason. this was only two days ago and it just made me feel weak and sick... i am not sure it even counts.

poet Anonymous

Yes, I have tried
More than once cant say I failed, but I was somewhat miraculously saved each time in unbelievable ways. I spent too much time in the mental hospital and nothing feels much lower than that ride with police escort from hospital to mental hospital... Living with the damage done to the body is no joke neither!
I'd have to write a few books to tell my story in this one..
The last time I was in, wasn't for an attempt...much worse.
Then I really was insane, that's the one time I totally lost the plot and was far too bat shit crazy to want to die, much less plan it. I was in a whole year and then sent to a group home to live. I stayed six months and then left that place...

Smoke weed. Only medicine proven to prevent suicide and heal depression (a fact)..
Or pray a lot
Life is full of choices

peninnah
The Blue Rose
Fire of Insight
Kenya 8awards
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 79

wow!!!are you people serious?the purpose of life is to live,of course there will be heartbreaks and bankruptcy and regrets,and a past too dark or whatever the case, but that is nothing no one of you can't fix!
There is plenty of time to die and when death come calling,believe me you won't or can't evade!

peninnah
The Blue Rose
Fire of Insight
Kenya 8awards
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 79

But if you must,hell!then pull the damn trigger.make sure you don miss!

peninnah
The Blue Rose
Fire of Insight
Kenya 8awards
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 79

Make sure you don't miss the first time or live to tell the tale!

poet Anonymous

An idea would be to have a thread on people so annoying and self righteous, you'd willingly assist their suicide

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

femmebionic said:Stuck a .38 in my mouth.  Pulled the trigger...nothing.  Just a faint click.  It stuck!  Fully loaded, cleaned, oiled...you're talking about a trusty piece.  I was SUPER angry that I didn't succeed, but now things are much better.
wow!!! a 38. revolver misfiring? never heard of that. but things like that is what makes me believe in god. theres just nothing else to explain things like that

Solomon_Song
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom 103awards
Joined 28th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 331

To answer to twocrows' question in comment on femmebionic's experience - suicides failing because guns wouldn't go off are nothing new.  In the 18th century a young English clerk working in India called Robert Clive twice tried to shoot himself but the pistol each time would not go off.  He concluded "Fate must have something great for me in store" (the best I remember the quotation).  Upshot was he rose to high military rank and conquered so much territory of India for Britain he became known as "Clive of India" (in my native country he was very much a hero) and also sat for my local hometown in the British parliament.  Sadly, a third attempt with drugs (or penknife by other accounts) at age 49 succeeded after he suffered ill health and persecution by political opponents over alleged corruption.

Magdalena
Spartalena
Tyrant of Words
Wales 62awards
Joined 21st Apr 2012
Forum Posts: 2993

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peninnah
The Blue Rose
Fire of Insight
Kenya 8awards
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 79

Well,that's your opinion M...,this is mine! And no,Its not an attitude,its my thoughts,views on the issue.
I don't do sympathy!
Good afternoon!

Magdalena
Spartalena
Tyrant of Words
Wales 62awards
Joined 21st Apr 2012
Forum Posts: 2993

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