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suicide survivors

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

just wondered if any suicide attempted suicide survivors who wanted to share there story

how you attempted and if you want you can include your suicide note

I attempted once by hanging once by over dose. I have came close to trying again several times. but I didn't really want to die just end the pain.


snugglebuck
Dangerous Mind
United States 77awards
Joined 3rd Feb 2014
Forum Posts: 1873

Sorry, can't contribute. I have problems with romanticizing self destruction.

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

.....

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

snugglebuck said:Sorry, can't contribute. I have problems with romanticizing self destruction.
this was not my goal its just kinda nice to talk to people who are going or have went though the same thing

MadameLavender
Guardian of Shadows
United States 86awards
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5594

I went for the hose-up-the-tailpipe scenario, when I was 20, but having forgotten to fill up the gas tank on my car, prior to, didn't do much good, as I was on "empty" before I even turned the ignition key.  I decided to postpone until the next day when I had time to get to the gas station, but God had other ideas for me;  that night he sent my deceased great grandparents to visit me in a dream.  "Mummu" and "Vaari", I used to call them, those being the Finnish terms for "Grandmother" and "Grandfather", and they told me that there was so much about life that they wanted to tell me, but they were not allowed to reveal it, so I would have to find out for myself.

I took that as a hint that it wasn't my time to check out, and even when it is my time to go, it's not my decision, when.  So here I am, today, 27 years later, with more ups and downs than I've thought fair at times, but no longer in that mindset.

Incidentally, shortly after being in that frame of mind, I had started work at the lab where I'm still employed today.  One of the first cases I worked on was a girl, similar in age to myself, who got further along in the process of suicide than I did, by the same method.  I had to go up to the intensive care unit and draw her blood every two hours, then run the lab tests on it, and I got to watch what happens to the human body after a large dose of carbon monoxide and how physically painful it is.  (it gives you the bends, much like a diver who has come up too fast in the water).  She made it through that experience, but a few months later was readmitted as a DOA from a gunshot wound to the head.

I still remember her name, and telling her that I knew how she felt, but we all walk our own path.

Magdalena
Spartalena
Tyrant of Words
Wales 62awards
Joined 21st Apr 2012
Forum Posts: 2993

...

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
122awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16075

I have contemplated suicide many times in the past, when nothing seemed to work out and I woke up to the same heartaches. I never went through with any of them. (of course!) Catholicism can burn that out of a person.
However, two cousins, garroted themselves with electricity wires, another relative drank pesticide while another ate some poison. None of them survived, sadly. They were all in their mid-twenties. They were lonely people, keeping to themselves most of the time. I believe their parents never understood why they did it.
They were more angry than grieved I think.

D_M0ndE99
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 1st Mar 2013
Forum Posts: 7

I walked in front of a Lincoln SUV. I'm lucky to be alive, let alone walking.

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

MadameLavender said:I went for the hose-up-the-tailpipe scenario, when I was 20, but having forgotten to fill up the gas tank on my car, prior to, didn't do much good, as I was on "empty" before I even turned the ignition key.  I decided to postpone until the next day when I had time to get to the gas station, but God had other ideas for me;  that night he sent my deceased great grandparents to visit me in a dream.  "Mummu" and "Vaari", I used to call them, those being the Finnish terms for "Grandmother" and "Grandfather", and they told me that there was so much about life that they wanted to tell me, but they were not allowed to reveal it, so I would have to find out for myself.

I took that as a hint that it wasn't my time to check out, and even when it is my time to go, it's not my decision, when.  So here I am, today, 27 years later, with more ups and downs than I've thought fair at times, but no longer in that mindset.

Incidentally, shortly after being in that frame of mind, I had started work at the lab where I'm still employed today.  One of the first cases I worked on was a girl, similar in age to myself, who got further along in the process of suicide than I did, by the same method.  I had to go up to the intensive care unit and draw her blood every two hours, then run the lab tests on it, and I got to watch what happens to the human body after a large dose of carbon monoxide and how physically painful it is.  (it gives you the bends, much like a diver who has come up too fast in the water).  She made it through that experience, but a few months later was readmitted as a DOA from a gunshot wound to the head.

I still remember her name, and telling her that I knew how she felt, but we all walk our own path.


wow that's inspiring and heart breaking at the same time

johnrot
Tyrant of Words
21awards
Joined 10th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 3645

better preperation will def facilitate your goals...  get busy living or get busy dyin.........

BradyGidge
Strange Creature
Canada
Joined 24th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 4

2 years ago I attempted suicide by overdosing, after suffering through depression from a nasty breakup. It gives me chills remembering that I couldn't even control my impulse to die, I just felt controlled to do so, like I had no choice. Needless to say I woke up and remember being so surprised to be alive, and I wasn't exactly excited about it but when someone close to me found out they were so grateful. Needless to say it's been a rough road, and I still don't enjoy life a whole lot, but I'm still here and pushing through, and hoping for a lot of positive change in the near future. I think as I've grown and matured I've lost my will of suicide, and like to say I welcome death, but I won't force it.

BradyGidge
Strange Creature
Canada
Joined 24th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 4

MadameLavender said:I went for the hose-up-the-tailpipe scenario, when I was 20, but having forgotten to fill up the gas tank on my car, prior to, didn't do much good, as I was on "empty" before I even turned the ignition key.  I decided to postpone until the next day when I had time to get to the gas station, but God had other ideas for me;  that night he sent my deceased great grandparents to visit me in a dream.  "Mummu" and "Vaari", I used to call them, those being the Finnish terms for "Grandmother" and "Grandfather", and they told me that there was so much about life that they wanted to tell me, but they were not allowed to reveal it, so I would have to find out for myself.

I took that as a hint that it wasn't my time to check out, and even when it is my time to go, it's not my decision, when.  So here I am, today, 27 years later, with more ups and downs than I've thought fair at times, but no longer in that mindset.

Incidentally, shortly after being in that frame of mind, I had started work at the lab where I'm still employed today.  One of the first cases I worked on was a girl, similar in age to myself, who got further along in the process of suicide than I did, by the same method.  I had to go up to the intensive care unit and draw her blood every two hours, then run the lab tests on it, and I got to watch what happens to the human body after a large dose of carbon monoxide and how physically painful it is.  (it gives you the bends, much like a diver who has come up too fast in the water).  She made it through that experience, but a few months later was readmitted as a DOA from a gunshot wound to the head.

I still remember her name, and telling her that I knew how she felt, but we all walk our own path.


This is so sad to hear, I'm glad you chose the path you did, and the part about that girl is chilling

NICOLELEIGH
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 55

I have thought about it numerous of times tried the overdose thing a couple of times,failed at the attempt to slit my wrist, didnt want to live, going through baby blues after my second child and a cheating husband at the time. then depressed for along time after that. then i uncoverd the root of my problems that i had burried soooooo deep within that it was like the stuff never happened. went to counseling got mylife together by focusing on my children and breathing every second. it is not easy when the thought is a constant. but the desire to live is rising up in me.

NICOLELEIGH
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 23rd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 55

i have come to know that i have a purpose and a duty here on earth and i want to be able to do what God has for me to do.

poet Anonymous

I have contemplated suicide many times, and actually attempted it quite a few as well....it's good to be a failure at that I guess
The last battle of worthlessness I was losing, I tried to hang myself (not to long ago) I don't think I succeeded but I've been wrong before : )
The bruises around my neck are all but gone, but the pain of telling my children that I didn't consider or care how that would affect them....well those scars still pain my heart. And I won't forget how much that hurt
 

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