Bodily Harm

lepperochan said:I knew a cutter once, long time ago. didn't know 'til I walked in and saw her arms cut. [I probably should have known, all she ever listened to was Dido, and when  white flag came on ..well, let's just say if she'd have took up miming for a living] anyhow I'll not lie, my first thoughts were to lighten the occasion by saying "well, if that's your idea of shaving, you might want switch to wax" ..but I thought better of it.  
lmao probably a good thing you thought better but damn I couldn't help but laugh

I cut. Cutting is personal for me. Knife?? Razor?? Syringe?? It lets me know I am alive, I survived. Never have I discussed cutting with anyone but my soul mate. I don't need attention or pity. It is what it is. I have stopped for a month or two at a time then I cut again....

As a self-mutilator of almost 11 years I can safely say I have reached my own PERSONAL objective reason for the violence I've inflicted on myself: poetic justice.

I have wronged and failed so many people, myself included, that cutting has been a form of everlasting-punishmemt...a penance, if you will. My therapist and I tend to compare myself to the protagonist in Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlett Letter. For her sins she is to wear a red letter A on the front of her garments while put on display for the town. The scarlett A is representative of her alleged adultery. I feel with the amount of evil things I've done and the number of lives I've shattered it only seems fair that I wear a painful mark for all to see as well.

Subconsciously, I think it's a warning to all humanity that I am not who I appear to be.