Poetry competition CLOSED 11th July 2016 9:09pm
WINNER
Anonymous
Anonymous
RUNNERS-UP:
Hepcat61
and MayRayn
Can you write a sonnet?
MayRayn said:Whoa... where and why did all the posts go?
A) The contestants are hard at work rewriting their poems because they found AH's critiques benefecial
- or -
B) The contestants pulled their entries because they did not read the rules thoroughly enough to know their entries would be critiqued by AH and their egos were bruised.
- or -
C) Spontaneous combustion
A) The contestants are hard at work rewriting their poems because they found AH's critiques benefecial
- or -
B) The contestants pulled their entries because they did not read the rules thoroughly enough to know their entries would be critiqued by AH and their egos were bruised.
- or -
C) Spontaneous combustion
Anonymous
I vote for C.
Anonymous
IronFears said:I don't know if you speak Italian, but try not to use a translator, when you write a sonetto often you use words that are unrecognizable by translators. It wont make any sense. I do not speak Italian. I do know that Italian does not have silent syllables, so I can "hear" it, but if you could provide a literal translation (plus a guide to any wordplay), that would be helpful. I have done a lot of translating of poetry from German to English, so I am aware of the problems involved.
Anonymous
IronFears said:'El brunir che precede la notte.
Con tramonti precedi del ciel innato
'el l'imbrunir che s'appressa,
Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa,
Da li miei occhi ora son accecato.
Del sol' la forte luce che affrancato,
Lo posto lasciar per la notte annessa,
Che col suo calor riman anch'essa,
Per lo spazio a' venir ne son affezionato,
E mentre tu sei lì, nel timor del tuo cor' andato,
Io che vago per la onda brigantessa,
Che del laccio il mio dipartir si tessa.
Della quiete del suo calor disperato.
Oh di me accogli nel tuo anonimato,
Che dallo alto della nube impressa,
Io veda la tua figura non più ressa,
Di tanto el amor mio condannato.
A few observations on the form: an Italian sonnet is composed of an octave, rhyming abbaabba, and a sestet, rhyming cdecde or cdcdcd, for a total of 14 lines. This poem is essentially two octaves, 16 lines. An Italian sonnet normally is in iambic pentameter with 11 syllables per line, as in "Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa", but the lines in this poem are not of consistent length.
Con tramonti precedi del ciel innato
'el l'imbrunir che s'appressa,
Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa,
Da li miei occhi ora son accecato.
Del sol' la forte luce che affrancato,
Lo posto lasciar per la notte annessa,
Che col suo calor riman anch'essa,
Per lo spazio a' venir ne son affezionato,
E mentre tu sei lì, nel timor del tuo cor' andato,
Io che vago per la onda brigantessa,
Che del laccio il mio dipartir si tessa.
Della quiete del suo calor disperato.
Oh di me accogli nel tuo anonimato,
Che dallo alto della nube impressa,
Io veda la tua figura non più ressa,
Di tanto el amor mio condannato.
A few observations on the form: an Italian sonnet is composed of an octave, rhyming abbaabba, and a sestet, rhyming cdecde or cdcdcd, for a total of 14 lines. This poem is essentially two octaves, 16 lines. An Italian sonnet normally is in iambic pentameter with 11 syllables per line, as in "Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa", but the lines in this poem are not of consistent length.
Anonymous
AlwaysHungry said:
A few observations on the form: an Italian sonnet is composed of an octave, rhyming abbaabba, and a sestet, rhyming cdecde or cdcdcd, for a total of 14 lines. This poem is essentially two octaves, 16 lines. An Italian sonnet normally is in iambic pentameter with 11 syllables per line, as in "Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa", but the lines in this poem are not of consistent length.
I agree about the lenght, but italian sonetto has more than one form, and rhyming is variable, can be cdc too or abab the abbaabba has been added with the stil novo, "new style", yes it is the most used but not the only one.
A few observations on the form: an Italian sonnet is composed of an octave, rhyming abbaabba, and a sestet, rhyming cdecde or cdcdcd, for a total of 14 lines. This poem is essentially two octaves, 16 lines. An Italian sonnet normally is in iambic pentameter with 11 syllables per line, as in "Con cori dolci ricordi ed essa", but the lines in this poem are not of consistent length.
I agree about the lenght, but italian sonetto has more than one form, and rhyming is variable, can be cdc too or abab the abbaabba has been added with the stil novo, "new style", yes it is the most used but not the only one.
Hepcat61 said:
And finally I will offer suggestions for Mr. Blaze's entry –
Iambic pentameter – no
Rhyme scheme – either Italian or English – no
Conceptually –
What stands for quatrain one does set up the action – somewhat
What stands for quatrain two does further illuminate the action – although seems to act as a premature Volta
Which is then given yet another Volta in what stands for quatrain three –
But it is currently incomplete lacking either what would stand for or the resolving couplet…
A suggestion –
merely a suggestion – for I would not think to question another poet’s method or words – I would not assume to have the backstory to so comment
the poem seems to lead conceptually to the obvious – D) None of the Above – meaning something other than that which was narrowly addressed in the body of the poem…
*the answer – just in case you didn’t pick up on it, for me anyway - is D), just to be clear…*
D) None of the above
E) All of the above
F) We are all accounts belonging to AlwaysHungry
G) I couldn't write a sonnet if my life depended on it
And finally I will offer suggestions for Mr. Blaze's entry –
Iambic pentameter – no
Rhyme scheme – either Italian or English – no
Conceptually –
What stands for quatrain one does set up the action – somewhat
What stands for quatrain two does further illuminate the action – although seems to act as a premature Volta
Which is then given yet another Volta in what stands for quatrain three –
But it is currently incomplete lacking either what would stand for or the resolving couplet…
A suggestion –
merely a suggestion – for I would not think to question another poet’s method or words – I would not assume to have the backstory to so comment
the poem seems to lead conceptually to the obvious – D) None of the Above – meaning something other than that which was narrowly addressed in the body of the poem…
*the answer – just in case you didn’t pick up on it, for me anyway - is D), just to be clear…*
D) None of the above
E) All of the above
F) We are all accounts belonging to AlwaysHungry
G) I couldn't write a sonnet if my life depended on it
Arabian Sights
A fetching dancer from Arabia
she was blessed with button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back of my Audi
compared to her external labia
and I banged my head against the sun roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I shouldn't have tried to get proof
with selfies, hands free of wheel minus care
but who would take me, a lowly chauffer
whose naught but one step above a gopher,
at his word about happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
I'd be dead if she had flashed me her tits
A fetching dancer from Arabia
she was blessed with button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back of my Audi
compared to her external labia
and I banged my head against the sun roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I shouldn't have tried to get proof
with selfies, hands free of wheel minus care
but who would take me, a lowly chauffer
whose naught but one step above a gopher,
at his word about happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
I'd be dead if she had flashed me her tits
Anonymous
JohnnyBlaze said:Arabian Sights
A fetching dancer from Arabia
she was blessed with button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back of my Audi
compared to her external labia
and I banged my head against the sun roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I shouldn't have tried to get proof
with selfies, hands free of wheel minus care
but who would take me, a lowly chauffer
whose naught but one step above a gopher,
at his word about happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
I'd be dead if she had flashed me her tits
It wouldn't take much at all to convert this to iambic pentameter. Allow me to take a shot at it:
A fetching dancer from Arabia
was blesséd with a button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back seat of my Audi
compared to her external labia
I banged my pirate head against the roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I tried too hard to get the proof
with selfies, no hands on the wheel nor care
but who would take my word, a lowly chauffeur
and scarcely but one step above a gopher,
to be a source on happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
and I'd be dead if she had flashed her tits
Now, there is still the matter of the volta.
A fetching dancer from Arabia
she was blessed with button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back of my Audi
compared to her external labia
and I banged my head against the sun roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I shouldn't have tried to get proof
with selfies, hands free of wheel minus care
but who would take me, a lowly chauffer
whose naught but one step above a gopher,
at his word about happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
I'd be dead if she had flashed me her tits
It wouldn't take much at all to convert this to iambic pentameter. Allow me to take a shot at it:
A fetching dancer from Arabia
was blesséd with a button, quite the outie
t'was nuttin' in the back seat of my Audi
compared to her external labia
I banged my pirate head against the roof
when she showed her enormous volta, which
caused me to turn hard left into a ditch
perhaps I tried too hard to get the proof
with selfies, no hands on the wheel nor care
but who would take my word, a lowly chauffeur
and scarcely but one step above a gopher,
to be a source on happenings this rare?
Smart phones are for incredible dumb shits
and I'd be dead if she had flashed her tits
Now, there is still the matter of the volta.
