Why Does it Hurt
jumbokitten
Alice Insanity
Joined 2nd May 2014
Forum Posts: 12
Alice Insanity
Lost Thinker
Forum Posts: 12
Poetry Contest Description
Try to name something that has hurt you so badly, that it cannot leave your mind. Describe why it hurt and let those Demons be free.
Pain is easier to handle for some whereas others it hits the core,
Some practices of psychology attempt to get things off of one's chest.
Remember you do not have to write anything you are uncomfortable with sharing, just choose the next best(worst?) thing.
No limitations, poetry should never have reins.
No more than a thousand words.
and last but not least, an example.
Losing Him
It was my own fault that I had him taken from me,
It was my very own lies that had stole him away.
The pain that wells up inside is inexplicable.
It pains me to remember seeing him happy,
because now that I can't see him,
I can only imagine him sad.
All the things I kept from him remain closer to me than my own heart,
But nothing can amount to him being here with me.
I can't cry enough tears to bring him back,
I can't explain myself enough to bring him back.
But something that strikes the core too hard,
is that if he could come back to me,
he would.
Now the format does not have to be specific, but naming such and going into releasing your emotions on the subject if prefered.
Again, don't write something that you will regret allowing everyone to see.
Some practices of psychology attempt to get things off of one's chest.
Remember you do not have to write anything you are uncomfortable with sharing, just choose the next best(worst?) thing.
No limitations, poetry should never have reins.
No more than a thousand words.
and last but not least, an example.
Losing Him
It was my own fault that I had him taken from me,
It was my very own lies that had stole him away.
The pain that wells up inside is inexplicable.
It pains me to remember seeing him happy,
because now that I can't see him,
I can only imagine him sad.
All the things I kept from him remain closer to me than my own heart,
But nothing can amount to him being here with me.
I can't cry enough tears to bring him back,
I can't explain myself enough to bring him back.
But something that strikes the core too hard,
is that if he could come back to me,
he would.
Now the format does not have to be specific, but naming such and going into releasing your emotions on the subject if prefered.
Again, don't write something that you will regret allowing everyone to see.
Anonymous
calamitygin
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Forum Posts: 2047
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Tyrant of Words
28
Joined 22nd June 2015Forum Posts: 2047
The day i chose not to die
My story of rape...
He took her.
There.. .
Daylight glowed on
Her hair
Carefree
And singing
She walked casually down
A sidewalk
Grabbed her quick and ran
To the alley
Covered her crazed
Face
Knife stuck up her ribs
Said "Do not scream..hear me bitch?"
She fell
In terror
She knew exactly what
Was coming to her
Her plan
Survive. ..
He shoved her onto him
She tried to pretend
She was somewhere
Else
Other than hell
Afraid her last breath
Was the next inhale
of putrid man
Sweat and body stink
Her last taste
Monster
And his foul prick
He pulled outta her mouth
Said "Bitch..say a word!"
Blade held in front of eyes
That cried
Silent and dry
She would make no sound
Yet...
Her plan
Survive
Shoved her on her back
And started
In and out
In and...attack
Her mind floated
Closed her eyes and thoughts
Went
To her son
To her good lover
To the day she learned to swim
Under water
She was almost to
Another plane
When she felt....
Incredible pain
Sharp steel
Stabbing thrust
Her throat filled up
With a taste if Iron and rust
Numb
She felt cold
Heard the rush of her
Own heart
And felt herself float
Ease ...
Breeze for breath
She looked down
And saw her own body
Covered
With blood
Sedated and heavy with death
Pain and putrid man
Hovering over her own corpse
She knew
By instinct
One tug of an invisible
Chord
She could release herself
Be done with that horrible world
...
Her mind floated
Closed her eyes and thoughts
Went
To her son
To her good lover
To the day she learned to swim
Under water
Her plan
Survive
She arched sharp .
A sudden gasp of air..
It hurt..
But the Monster
Had accidentally left
Some of her there
Written by calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
My story of rape...
He took her.
There.. .
Daylight glowed on
Her hair
Carefree
And singing
She walked casually down
A sidewalk
Grabbed her quick and ran
To the alley
Covered her crazed
Face
Knife stuck up her ribs
Said "Do not scream..hear me bitch?"
She fell
In terror
She knew exactly what
Was coming to her
Her plan
Survive. ..
He shoved her onto him
She tried to pretend
She was somewhere
Else
Other than hell
Afraid her last breath
Was the next inhale
of putrid man
Sweat and body stink
Her last taste
Monster
And his foul prick
He pulled outta her mouth
Said "Bitch..say a word!"
Blade held in front of eyes
That cried
Silent and dry
She would make no sound
Yet...
Her plan
Survive
Shoved her on her back
And started
In and out
In and...attack
Her mind floated
Closed her eyes and thoughts
Went
To her son
To her good lover
To the day she learned to swim
Under water
She was almost to
Another plane
When she felt....
Incredible pain
Sharp steel
Stabbing thrust
Her throat filled up
With a taste if Iron and rust
Numb
She felt cold
Heard the rush of her
Own heart
And felt herself float
Ease ...
Breeze for breath
She looked down
And saw her own body
Covered
With blood
Sedated and heavy with death
Pain and putrid man
Hovering over her own corpse
She knew
By instinct
One tug of an invisible
Chord
She could release herself
Be done with that horrible world
...
Her mind floated
Closed her eyes and thoughts
Went
To her son
To her good lover
To the day she learned to swim
Under water
Her plan
Survive
She arched sharp .
A sudden gasp of air..
It hurt..
But the Monster
Had accidentally left
Some of her there
Written by calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
calamitygin
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Forum Posts: 2047
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Tyrant of Words
28
Joined 22nd June 2015Forum Posts: 2047
Little V
I was tired of being, wanted and yet...
Wanted was the easiest attention to get...
Couldn't get no Satis fuck shun..
Was playin death by catholic scool gal master ba shun...
Only burried by small cocks deep an unalive...
Alter boys playin with their he man toys talkin confessional jive..
Right oblivious to my rolled cat eyes...
This Sugar and spice turned on by smurf was justa lil smurffette.
But had big girls thoughts of
And put big girls things in
No knowing of then, the cry of cherabims Regret.
I met him at twilight at Silver Springs Park.
The beast pulled rough mih legs apart...
Pulling my panties down and the beast he laughs...
2 fingers in your young gash?
He laughs at me some louder when he enters hard and i gasp..
C'mon my pretty, you allow me a little fun..
Gimme a girlish squeel my little one..
Hehe i will...question. Mark?
Fuck i wanted away from that park.
Gitchy bitchy fuck and goo!
Satan's gonna nail the stupid poon!!
Then..gone gone Jenny girl Jen!
Quite ripped apart by my romance with sin...
Screams strangled a desperate wanton sigh..
That feral fuck of my soul caused lil gal gone cry.
Used up by men and left to die..
Bloodied beaten soul side road side...
Lil poon no mo...
Was woman now..hear me roar...?
Was Almost tickled dead alive!!
But my girlish shrieks did not lead to die...
At least he wasn't a relative of mine..
So I sat up pretty again and smiled...
Yeah.. Jenny girl got screwed by an AWESOME guy..
Quite the bloody fuck of a fucking good time.
Written by calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
I was tired of being, wanted and yet...
Wanted was the easiest attention to get...
Couldn't get no Satis fuck shun..
Was playin death by catholic scool gal master ba shun...
Only burried by small cocks deep an unalive...
Alter boys playin with their he man toys talkin confessional jive..
Right oblivious to my rolled cat eyes...
This Sugar and spice turned on by smurf was justa lil smurffette.
But had big girls thoughts of
And put big girls things in
No knowing of then, the cry of cherabims Regret.
I met him at twilight at Silver Springs Park.
The beast pulled rough mih legs apart...
Pulling my panties down and the beast he laughs...
2 fingers in your young gash?
He laughs at me some louder when he enters hard and i gasp..
C'mon my pretty, you allow me a little fun..
Gimme a girlish squeel my little one..
Hehe i will...question. Mark?
Fuck i wanted away from that park.
Gitchy bitchy fuck and goo!
Satan's gonna nail the stupid poon!!
Then..gone gone Jenny girl Jen!
Quite ripped apart by my romance with sin...
Screams strangled a desperate wanton sigh..
That feral fuck of my soul caused lil gal gone cry.
Used up by men and left to die..
Bloodied beaten soul side road side...
Lil poon no mo...
Was woman now..hear me roar...?
Was Almost tickled dead alive!!
But my girlish shrieks did not lead to die...
At least he wasn't a relative of mine..
So I sat up pretty again and smiled...
Yeah.. Jenny girl got screwed by an AWESOME guy..
Quite the bloody fuck of a fucking good time.
Written by calamitygin (Jennifer Michael McCurry)
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
J_J_Jay_Jr
Forum Posts: 218
Fire of Insight
17
Joined 20th Sep 2012Forum Posts: 218
T’was never me just using you.
Never just to get me off.
Never just because,
I won the “game”,
Or played the “game” well,
Or even,
Just because I wanted it.
That was never,
Why I paid for dinner,
Or the movie,
Or took you dancing.
The holidays,
The trips,
Together,
When we spent some of the time,
“Together”,
But most of the time,
Being,
I thought,
A couple on Holiday.
I made certain you always,
Always,
Came too,
Most often, first,
And usually several times,
To my once or twice,
In our together times.
It was never only about me,
And my “needs”.
Or, at least, I thought not.
It was never when you were only willing,
I thought I was certain,
That always, you were wanting it with me,
As much as I wanted it with you.
You were never just a friend,
With benefits;
You were never just a booty call.
For me it was a step on the path,
We were traveling,
In becoming,
Not two separate,
But two together,
One.
So imagine,
My distress,
When I got your,
Wedding Invitation,
In today’s mail.
Never just to get me off.
Never just because,
I won the “game”,
Or played the “game” well,
Or even,
Just because I wanted it.
That was never,
Why I paid for dinner,
Or the movie,
Or took you dancing.
The holidays,
The trips,
Together,
When we spent some of the time,
“Together”,
But most of the time,
Being,
I thought,
A couple on Holiday.
I made certain you always,
Always,
Came too,
Most often, first,
And usually several times,
To my once or twice,
In our together times.
It was never only about me,
And my “needs”.
Or, at least, I thought not.
It was never when you were only willing,
I thought I was certain,
That always, you were wanting it with me,
As much as I wanted it with you.
You were never just a friend,
With benefits;
You were never just a booty call.
For me it was a step on the path,
We were traveling,
In becoming,
Not two separate,
But two together,
One.
So imagine,
My distress,
When I got your,
Wedding Invitation,
In today’s mail.
J_J_Jay_Jr
Forum Posts: 218
Fire of Insight
17
Joined 20th Sep 2012Forum Posts: 218
I'll tell you what you were.
You were a notch on my bed post,
locker room bragging rights.
You were a cunt to receive my dick,
a receiver of my wet dream's emissions.
You were a blonde to follow the redhead,
not as good as the brunet.
You were way too short, barely up to my chin,
not fun size at all.
Your boobs were so small, most boys have more,
couldn't fill a training bra.
You were skinny, arms bony and legs gangly,
all skeletal angles and points.
You were a slippery mouth with a wet double jointed tongue,
that swallowed my cum.
Your mop head's hair, never combed, much less fixed,
made good handles to hold your mouth around my cock.
Your eyes were out of a cartoon, shadowed like a raccoon,
one green and one blue.
Your fingers were anorexic, without the grip of a noodle,
barely good to stroke me before I entered you.
Your ass was something to grip with my hands,
as I unload my cum inside you.
That's why I ignored you when I was with my guys.
So why did it shatter my heart, cause me to sink to my knees,
and wish I could die?
When you walked out of my life, with a tear in your eye,
and whispered over your shoulder,
"I loved you."
You were a notch on my bed post,
locker room bragging rights.
You were a cunt to receive my dick,
a receiver of my wet dream's emissions.
You were a blonde to follow the redhead,
not as good as the brunet.
You were way too short, barely up to my chin,
not fun size at all.
Your boobs were so small, most boys have more,
couldn't fill a training bra.
You were skinny, arms bony and legs gangly,
all skeletal angles and points.
You were a slippery mouth with a wet double jointed tongue,
that swallowed my cum.
Your mop head's hair, never combed, much less fixed,
made good handles to hold your mouth around my cock.
Your eyes were out of a cartoon, shadowed like a raccoon,
one green and one blue.
Your fingers were anorexic, without the grip of a noodle,
barely good to stroke me before I entered you.
Your ass was something to grip with my hands,
as I unload my cum inside you.
That's why I ignored you when I was with my guys.
So why did it shatter my heart, cause me to sink to my knees,
and wish I could die?
When you walked out of my life, with a tear in your eye,
and whispered over your shoulder,
"I loved you."
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
snugglebuck
Forum Posts: 1873
Dangerous Mind
77
Joined 3rd Feb 2014Forum Posts: 1873
http://i1317.photobucket.com/albums/t623/curlycue23/sick%20heart.jpg
Maybe a broken heart hurts for a reason.
Your heart may function like your stomach.
You see a custard pie at the deli, it looks so good, and you order a slice. It tastes divine. Now you’re so in love with that custard pie and can't wait to experience it again.
Going home, 'with pie on your mind,' you decide to take a blissful nap.
Suddenly you awake! You’re in terrible pain. It’s like there's a rat inside you trying to chew its way out. Standing up, you’re overwhelmed by the nausea. You run to the toilet and vomit so hard, not only do you puke the custard pie out, but nearly expel your intestines as well. Exhausted, you kneel before the porcelain altar and promise God, no matter how tempting, you'll never eat another slice of pie from that deli again.
I think our hearts may function like our stomachs. Eating something that’s not good for you, your stomach reacts painfully and makes you expel the tainted dish. Your heart may hurt for the same reason, so you reject tainted love before it does anymore damage. And like the deli where you bought that bad custard pie, you learn never to visit that same lover again.
When your heart hurts, listen. It may be trying to tell you something.
Maybe a broken heart hurts for a reason.
Your heart may function like your stomach.
You see a custard pie at the deli, it looks so good, and you order a slice. It tastes divine. Now you’re so in love with that custard pie and can't wait to experience it again.
Going home, 'with pie on your mind,' you decide to take a blissful nap.
Suddenly you awake! You’re in terrible pain. It’s like there's a rat inside you trying to chew its way out. Standing up, you’re overwhelmed by the nausea. You run to the toilet and vomit so hard, not only do you puke the custard pie out, but nearly expel your intestines as well. Exhausted, you kneel before the porcelain altar and promise God, no matter how tempting, you'll never eat another slice of pie from that deli again.
I think our hearts may function like our stomachs. Eating something that’s not good for you, your stomach reacts painfully and makes you expel the tainted dish. Your heart may hurt for the same reason, so you reject tainted love before it does anymore damage. And like the deli where you bought that bad custard pie, you learn never to visit that same lover again.
When your heart hurts, listen. It may be trying to tell you something.
JessePhoenix
Jessica Paterson
Joined 7th June 2016
Forum Posts: 6
Jessica Paterson
Lost Thinker
Forum Posts: 6
Labelled for Life
Face to face with the girl in the mirror
Something not quite right,
an untreatable error.
She didn't turn out, like I had imagined
Her soul, it trembles,
blackened, beaten & bludgeoned.
Innocence lost to developmental naivety
Residual trauma still visible,
like a kaleidoscope of inequity.
Anger pulses, from every thread of her fabric
Woven with complexity,
a metaphorical straight jacket.
Darkness thrust into her, like an air bubble into an IV
By those who vowed to save her,
a sociopath with a P.H.D
A cold, shaking hand, her only true saviour
A cold, silver promise,
placed upon torn up paper
A blood stained envelope, her future was inside this,
One word, her death sentence
DIAGNOSIS
Face to face with the girl in the mirror
Something not quite right,
an untreatable error.
She didn't turn out, like I had imagined
Her soul, it trembles,
blackened, beaten & bludgeoned.
Innocence lost to developmental naivety
Residual trauma still visible,
like a kaleidoscope of inequity.
Anger pulses, from every thread of her fabric
Woven with complexity,
a metaphorical straight jacket.
Darkness thrust into her, like an air bubble into an IV
By those who vowed to save her,
a sociopath with a P.H.D
A cold, shaking hand, her only true saviour
A cold, silver promise,
placed upon torn up paper
A blood stained envelope, her future was inside this,
One word, her death sentence
DIAGNOSIS
afriendoftina
Hendy
Forum Posts: 73
Hendy
Twisted Dreamer
5
Joined 21st Apr 2016 Forum Posts: 73
This is a long poem...apologies
It's about my Crystal Meth (known as Tina in my circles) addiction and what Tina did to me, took from me and how it left me a shell of a human being and how I learnt to fight back. It's meant to be read like "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". Thanks for reading...
You, I and She
- PART ONE -
This tale is a warning, about a vice and its woe,
Of the lesson I learnt, and the ones yet to know.
See, the end is unwritten, might be my final farewell,
To the good and the bad, to the heaven and hell.
But the tale should be told, and so I’ll commence,
I’ll be open and honest and try not cause offence.
The whole story started less than eighteen months ago,
With me overweight, out-of-shape and my self-esteem low.
I was awkward and sad but was so sick of my lot,
I’d work out to get thin; it was no novel plot.
But this time I did it. Lost the kilos: twenty-three,
An aesthetic success! But a shock lay waiting for me.
What I discovered to my horror, when the fat had all gone,
It wasn’t why I’d been unhappy, I’d been mistaken all along.
When you can’t blame the depression on the layers of fat.
Scapegoat’s gone, veil’s been lifted – now its time to face facts.
I had hated myself. For which, there’s no easy cure.
But I'd never have guessed what I was about to endure.
- PART TWO -
My grim realisation was not as clear as it is now
It’s taken time and reflection to solve the why and how
So superficial I was that the weight-loss pleased me,
My new body confidence brought me much glee.
It took a short step in learning that when building your self-worth up,
Needn't do it yourself, if others will do it - you're in luck.
The more notches you make, the more of them like you,
Each stamp of approval means you’re worth something too.
But this trick doesn’t work, it’s short shrift at best,
Such validation’s unstable and needs constant redress
All that matters in this system is that they want you,
No connection required, don't need your desire too.
Soon I became an object, a thing merely of which you approve,
Such validation is addictive, it begins to consume you.
This game is never over, the self-worth is never won,
For approval this fleeting, this shallow has soon gone.
Your entire self-worth crashes right down to the ground,
By one mild-mannered rejection, a snide comment or frown.
It soon left me quite hollow, couldn’t have liked myself less,
How could finding some comfort possibly worsen this mess?
But hand in hand with this issue - there's a darker reveal,
A vice with such danger, it barely seems real.
- PART THREE -
I sought solace in drugs, to liven my day,
It didn’t take long ‘til my life went astray.
In order to find out how this all came to be,
I’ll need you to understand 'her' grip over me.
So allow me to introduce a few "friends" of mine
If you greet them but once, then you’ll find them divine.
There’s Mandy and Katie, and the one just called "G",
And last but not least, is Tina you see.
The last one of these has a much darker side,
Deep down she’s evil, she'll eat you alive.
Or better yet still, she'll have you do it yourself,
You'll follow her whispers, and you’ll ruin your health.
At first you'll be fine and you'll tell yourself so,
But Tina works quickly, there's not long to go.
You’ll chomp and you’ll chew, you’ll pick and you’ll scratch
You’ll end up a shell, that’s Tina’s one catch.
Other than that she’s perfectly fine,
You’ll fall apart slowly, one piece at a time.
And then there’s the psychosis - well that’s just a treat,
When the shadows start watching you walk down the street.
I swear that that singer is writing songs about me,
Wait, what’s that you’re hiding? Don’t lie, I can see.
Still, there’s nothing quite like puffing clouds all the time,
Till five days, no sleep and I’ve started writing in rhyme.
Haven’t eaten for days, the fat’s no problem now,
My ribs start protruding, face is gaunt - but how?
I had the whole thing in hand, it was just once a week,
There’s just one final shard left, I can't help but freak
The story gets worse, believe you and me,
When Tina’s got hold there’s no getting free
The minute you try to stop smoking shard,
Full depression sets in and you crash way too hard.
If she can’t get you using then coming off it, she will,
"All the pain will soon stop" T whispers, "if you'd just pop that pill"
But the downers don’t work, Tina makes sure that’s a fact,
She’s not done with you yet, she'll first get you the sack.
You’ve got no money now, so you start helping her out,
You start selling her round ‘cause your fix was in doubt.
But look what you've done! You’ve passed her along,
You know what will happen and know full well it’s wrong.
But this was my fate, and so you will see,
There isn’t much left of a discernible me.
It’s too late for me now, too much of me's gone.
Nobody’s left here to save, if there ever was one.
But Wait! Hold up! Hang on just a sec…
It isn’t quite over, that bitch hasn't won yet.
I had forgotten that feeling, that desire to fight back,
The anger inside that builds you up to attack.
I’m starting to remember someone I used to be,
I was weak but tenacious; few others best me.
My resources are depleted and psychosis settled in,
It’s hard to stay sane when your mind's wearing thin.
It’s important that I know I'm not beaten yet,
Got some tricks up my sleeve, that bitch won't ever forget.
- PART FOUR -
Well, what happens next? I’m sure you’re dying to know
The middle is all done with, just the ending to go.
Now – don’t get frustrated but I just can’t tell you the rest,
I don’t know how it ends, I'm still living it - I confess.
Can't predict what will happen, perhaps there's one guess I can,
It won’t end with a fizzle. It will end with a bang.
Right now I’m alone, lost - no clear path in sight,
The state that I’m in, would give anyone a fright.
If all other attempts fail, then only one end is left,
Say it's the easy way out, you call me selfish to choose death.
Your ignorance is so telling, no need to say more,
I understand it all now, it's clear as crystal I am sure.
You’ll never quite get it, not sure you’ll ever quite see,
The pain that I’m feeling and the emptiness that fills me.
After all Tina's done, she hasn't take me whole,
She’s helped things along, granted - she’s taken her toll.
But cast your minds back...there were problems before,
All Tina has done, is to seize the prey at her door.
PART FIVE IN NEXT POST
It's about my Crystal Meth (known as Tina in my circles) addiction and what Tina did to me, took from me and how it left me a shell of a human being and how I learnt to fight back. It's meant to be read like "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". Thanks for reading...
You, I and She
- PART ONE -
This tale is a warning, about a vice and its woe,
Of the lesson I learnt, and the ones yet to know.
See, the end is unwritten, might be my final farewell,
To the good and the bad, to the heaven and hell.
But the tale should be told, and so I’ll commence,
I’ll be open and honest and try not cause offence.
The whole story started less than eighteen months ago,
With me overweight, out-of-shape and my self-esteem low.
I was awkward and sad but was so sick of my lot,
I’d work out to get thin; it was no novel plot.
But this time I did it. Lost the kilos: twenty-three,
An aesthetic success! But a shock lay waiting for me.
What I discovered to my horror, when the fat had all gone,
It wasn’t why I’d been unhappy, I’d been mistaken all along.
When you can’t blame the depression on the layers of fat.
Scapegoat’s gone, veil’s been lifted – now its time to face facts.
I had hated myself. For which, there’s no easy cure.
But I'd never have guessed what I was about to endure.
- PART TWO -
My grim realisation was not as clear as it is now
It’s taken time and reflection to solve the why and how
So superficial I was that the weight-loss pleased me,
My new body confidence brought me much glee.
It took a short step in learning that when building your self-worth up,
Needn't do it yourself, if others will do it - you're in luck.
The more notches you make, the more of them like you,
Each stamp of approval means you’re worth something too.
But this trick doesn’t work, it’s short shrift at best,
Such validation’s unstable and needs constant redress
All that matters in this system is that they want you,
No connection required, don't need your desire too.
Soon I became an object, a thing merely of which you approve,
Such validation is addictive, it begins to consume you.
This game is never over, the self-worth is never won,
For approval this fleeting, this shallow has soon gone.
Your entire self-worth crashes right down to the ground,
By one mild-mannered rejection, a snide comment or frown.
It soon left me quite hollow, couldn’t have liked myself less,
How could finding some comfort possibly worsen this mess?
But hand in hand with this issue - there's a darker reveal,
A vice with such danger, it barely seems real.
- PART THREE -
I sought solace in drugs, to liven my day,
It didn’t take long ‘til my life went astray.
In order to find out how this all came to be,
I’ll need you to understand 'her' grip over me.
So allow me to introduce a few "friends" of mine
If you greet them but once, then you’ll find them divine.
There’s Mandy and Katie, and the one just called "G",
And last but not least, is Tina you see.
The last one of these has a much darker side,
Deep down she’s evil, she'll eat you alive.
Or better yet still, she'll have you do it yourself,
You'll follow her whispers, and you’ll ruin your health.
At first you'll be fine and you'll tell yourself so,
But Tina works quickly, there's not long to go.
You’ll chomp and you’ll chew, you’ll pick and you’ll scratch
You’ll end up a shell, that’s Tina’s one catch.
Other than that she’s perfectly fine,
You’ll fall apart slowly, one piece at a time.
And then there’s the psychosis - well that’s just a treat,
When the shadows start watching you walk down the street.
I swear that that singer is writing songs about me,
Wait, what’s that you’re hiding? Don’t lie, I can see.
Still, there’s nothing quite like puffing clouds all the time,
Till five days, no sleep and I’ve started writing in rhyme.
Haven’t eaten for days, the fat’s no problem now,
My ribs start protruding, face is gaunt - but how?
I had the whole thing in hand, it was just once a week,
There’s just one final shard left, I can't help but freak
The story gets worse, believe you and me,
When Tina’s got hold there’s no getting free
The minute you try to stop smoking shard,
Full depression sets in and you crash way too hard.
If she can’t get you using then coming off it, she will,
"All the pain will soon stop" T whispers, "if you'd just pop that pill"
But the downers don’t work, Tina makes sure that’s a fact,
She’s not done with you yet, she'll first get you the sack.
You’ve got no money now, so you start helping her out,
You start selling her round ‘cause your fix was in doubt.
But look what you've done! You’ve passed her along,
You know what will happen and know full well it’s wrong.
But this was my fate, and so you will see,
There isn’t much left of a discernible me.
It’s too late for me now, too much of me's gone.
Nobody’s left here to save, if there ever was one.
But Wait! Hold up! Hang on just a sec…
It isn’t quite over, that bitch hasn't won yet.
I had forgotten that feeling, that desire to fight back,
The anger inside that builds you up to attack.
I’m starting to remember someone I used to be,
I was weak but tenacious; few others best me.
My resources are depleted and psychosis settled in,
It’s hard to stay sane when your mind's wearing thin.
It’s important that I know I'm not beaten yet,
Got some tricks up my sleeve, that bitch won't ever forget.
- PART FOUR -
Well, what happens next? I’m sure you’re dying to know
The middle is all done with, just the ending to go.
Now – don’t get frustrated but I just can’t tell you the rest,
I don’t know how it ends, I'm still living it - I confess.
Can't predict what will happen, perhaps there's one guess I can,
It won’t end with a fizzle. It will end with a bang.
Right now I’m alone, lost - no clear path in sight,
The state that I’m in, would give anyone a fright.
If all other attempts fail, then only one end is left,
Say it's the easy way out, you call me selfish to choose death.
Your ignorance is so telling, no need to say more,
I understand it all now, it's clear as crystal I am sure.
You’ll never quite get it, not sure you’ll ever quite see,
The pain that I’m feeling and the emptiness that fills me.
After all Tina's done, she hasn't take me whole,
She’s helped things along, granted - she’s taken her toll.
But cast your minds back...there were problems before,
All Tina has done, is to seize the prey at her door.
PART FIVE IN NEXT POST
afriendoftina
Hendy
Forum Posts: 73
Hendy
Twisted Dreamer
5
Joined 21st Apr 2016 Forum Posts: 73
- PART FIVE -
I was lost before I met her and even before that,
Had not a shred of self-worth, not even a scrap.
It was taken from me, before I even knew,
I was made to believe that somehow I needed you.
Tried so hard to fit in, to obey all of the rules,
To alter myself so I'd be liked by you fools.
I eroded away at the person I could've been.
By tempering myself down, so the real me went unseen.
All of my focus, my time and energy were spent,
While playing the role that you wanted, the 'real me' just went.
When I finally stopped caring about your version of me,
There was nothing else left there, no person I could be.
So I died long ago, certainly anything that was worth saving.
You know that person isn't real, don't you? The one that you’re craving.
It was all a smart act, a ruse, a charade,
I played the part well, it was unwittingly hard.
The impersonation I laid on, worked more than it should,
Since it made all you like me more than I ever could.
So, how dare you remark callously on my final end?!
You've have said quite enough; my wounds cannot mend.
The blame must be pointed at one of us, three.
One must be the culprit but is it You, I or She?
I know on who I'd bet but let's not dwell on that,
Firing guilt at each other, won't take it all back.
Tina's portion of blame is but a catalyst's share, true
It's no fault of hers if the chair's kicked from under you.
It's funny that now is the time of all times, that I find
The root of the problem was not me and my mind.
No solution gleaned from this, can't go back to the past.
There’s only the future ahead and I’m not sure I’ll last.
I'm not giving up yet, I won’t just accept such a fate,
With some luck and some willing, I won’t have left it too late...
THE END
AFRIENDOFTINA
I was lost before I met her and even before that,
Had not a shred of self-worth, not even a scrap.
It was taken from me, before I even knew,
I was made to believe that somehow I needed you.
Tried so hard to fit in, to obey all of the rules,
To alter myself so I'd be liked by you fools.
I eroded away at the person I could've been.
By tempering myself down, so the real me went unseen.
All of my focus, my time and energy were spent,
While playing the role that you wanted, the 'real me' just went.
When I finally stopped caring about your version of me,
There was nothing else left there, no person I could be.
So I died long ago, certainly anything that was worth saving.
You know that person isn't real, don't you? The one that you’re craving.
It was all a smart act, a ruse, a charade,
I played the part well, it was unwittingly hard.
The impersonation I laid on, worked more than it should,
Since it made all you like me more than I ever could.
So, how dare you remark callously on my final end?!
You've have said quite enough; my wounds cannot mend.
The blame must be pointed at one of us, three.
One must be the culprit but is it You, I or She?
I know on who I'd bet but let's not dwell on that,
Firing guilt at each other, won't take it all back.
Tina's portion of blame is but a catalyst's share, true
It's no fault of hers if the chair's kicked from under you.
It's funny that now is the time of all times, that I find
The root of the problem was not me and my mind.
No solution gleaned from this, can't go back to the past.
There’s only the future ahead and I’m not sure I’ll last.
I'm not giving up yet, I won’t just accept such a fate,
With some luck and some willing, I won’t have left it too late...
THE END
AFRIENDOFTINA
Kou_Indigo
Kara L. Pythiana-Ashton
Forum Posts: 2784
Kara L. Pythiana-Ashton
Tyrant of Words
68
Joined 15th Sep 2011Forum Posts: 2784
- Forgive Me -
Forgive me.
My flowers are dead; my heart is going insane!
I fear I may follow them; I cannot bear my pain.
When I look in the mirror and try to remember,
Who that girl is that my sad eyes are looking at…
I want to take her in my arms and comfort her.
But, she is me yes she is just me, and so I can’t.
I remember in flashes things that were long ago,
Like fires in the night, which all light my way…
And I remember the winter, and the cold snow!
Where is my home and just how far did I stray?
I can’t find the path that my feet recall walking,
But I keep tracing the way as if it was still there.
I feel like I’m a ghost, and feel like I’m falling…
Then I know I am alive, and long for death fair.
Just to be at peace, to stop the pain inside of me,
To hear words of love spoken to me, not hatred!
I feel like I’m blind except I know I can so see…
Something sad, when alone I ever fall into bed.
I wanted it to be your hand that touched me so!
But you weren’t there and so I caressed myself.
How painful, is love, with a heart full of woe…
And how poor I feel, like I have lost all wealth.
Because I am alone, a little girl scared, shaking,
And no one is there to comfort me in the dark…
I am in Hell and so I am trembling and quaking.
Paying for man’s sins, which leave their mark!
Upon my heart, scarred by secrets and sorrows.
All I wanted was you to kiss me only one time,
Then kill me so we might spend all tomorrows:
Arm and arm in Paradise, a garden so sublime.
Is this the price of love; that all lovers do pay?
I would pay worse for you, and perish for you.
How can I find strength, to face this next day?
I cannot, for I am broken and all sad and blue.
Remember me, my love, in case I fade at last,
Like my dead flowers which I keep watering!
I pretend they’re alive; I’m trapped in the past.
Set me free, please, to be free of everything…
Except for you, for I love you and cannot live,
If I must live alone and perish in my agonies!
Was the gift of love such a hard thing to give?
I gave my love, and when I did I did so freely.
I love you still, so come for me before I die…
Take me home; take me back to a better age!
I didn’t remember the truth; how could I lie?
My memory was gone, and now my visage…
Is streaked with tears that I cry for what was.
Tell me you know and understand my heart!
Let me live again, with you, to hear the buzz,
Of laughter in your voice like when we met…
Before darkness tried to take me for its’ own!
I love you still, and I do not have any regret.
My flowers are dead; my heart is going insane!
I fear I may follow them; I cannot bear my pain.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
My flowers are dead; my heart is going insane!
I fear I may follow them; I cannot bear my pain.
When I look in the mirror and try to remember,
Who that girl is that my sad eyes are looking at…
I want to take her in my arms and comfort her.
But, she is me yes she is just me, and so I can’t.
I remember in flashes things that were long ago,
Like fires in the night, which all light my way…
And I remember the winter, and the cold snow!
Where is my home and just how far did I stray?
I can’t find the path that my feet recall walking,
But I keep tracing the way as if it was still there.
I feel like I’m a ghost, and feel like I’m falling…
Then I know I am alive, and long for death fair.
Just to be at peace, to stop the pain inside of me,
To hear words of love spoken to me, not hatred!
I feel like I’m blind except I know I can so see…
Something sad, when alone I ever fall into bed.
I wanted it to be your hand that touched me so!
But you weren’t there and so I caressed myself.
How painful, is love, with a heart full of woe…
And how poor I feel, like I have lost all wealth.
Because I am alone, a little girl scared, shaking,
And no one is there to comfort me in the dark…
I am in Hell and so I am trembling and quaking.
Paying for man’s sins, which leave their mark!
Upon my heart, scarred by secrets and sorrows.
All I wanted was you to kiss me only one time,
Then kill me so we might spend all tomorrows:
Arm and arm in Paradise, a garden so sublime.
Is this the price of love; that all lovers do pay?
I would pay worse for you, and perish for you.
How can I find strength, to face this next day?
I cannot, for I am broken and all sad and blue.
Remember me, my love, in case I fade at last,
Like my dead flowers which I keep watering!
I pretend they’re alive; I’m trapped in the past.
Set me free, please, to be free of everything…
Except for you, for I love you and cannot live,
If I must live alone and perish in my agonies!
Was the gift of love such a hard thing to give?
I gave my love, and when I did I did so freely.
I love you still, so come for me before I die…
Take me home; take me back to a better age!
I didn’t remember the truth; how could I lie?
My memory was gone, and now my visage…
Is streaked with tears that I cry for what was.
Tell me you know and understand my heart!
Let me live again, with you, to hear the buzz,
Of laughter in your voice like when we met…
Before darkness tried to take me for its’ own!
I love you still, and I do not have any regret.
My flowers are dead; my heart is going insane!
I fear I may follow them; I cannot bear my pain.
Forgive me.
dustyjjewels
Forum Posts: 241
Fire of Insight
15
Joined 24th Nov 2011Forum Posts: 241
...Because I Lied To Myself
Now there's remedy in confessing,
That shouldn't sound so hard,
But because I lied to myself;
It made it hurt so bad.
She was beauty personified,
But with a cold reputation,
The lips of victims sing
Of her deeds too many to mention.
Yet rumours can be wrong,
And so I took my chance,
Captivated by her beauty,
I picked a reason to advance.
"Why judge a human
By deeds from her past,
After all none is perfect;
We all fall at last"
Moves were made,
Things were sealed,
Two became one
That's the deal.
Another demon in a disguise
Has changed to an angel of light,
A move that looked so promising at first
Is now so far from right.
At night I sit and watch her sleep
The warnings play in my head;
"She'll turn your glitter into gloom
And then she'll move ahead".
Still full of hope,still in love
I hope mine won't be the same,
But a leopard never loses its spots
I was only a part of her game.
Now there's remedy in confessing,
That shouldn't sound so hard,
But because I lied to myself;
It made it hurt so bad.
She was beauty personified,
But with a cold reputation,
The lips of victims sing
Of her deeds too many to mention.
Yet rumours can be wrong,
And so I took my chance,
Captivated by her beauty,
I picked a reason to advance.
"Why judge a human
By deeds from her past,
After all none is perfect;
We all fall at last"
Moves were made,
Things were sealed,
Two became one
That's the deal.
Another demon in a disguise
Has changed to an angel of light,
A move that looked so promising at first
Is now so far from right.
At night I sit and watch her sleep
The warnings play in my head;
"She'll turn your glitter into gloom
And then she'll move ahead".
Still full of hope,still in love
I hope mine won't be the same,
But a leopard never loses its spots
I was only a part of her game.
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Forum Posts: 5134
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
154
Joined 9th Nov 2015 Forum Posts: 5134
MULE
Draw the seared tracks in pools of his
Lethargy one minute, through dwindling
Piles of emeralds & rubies, the next.
My nephew Kyle could've been anything.
A mulatto baby out of wedlock,
Not in the social outcast sense, but
In the way his (also) mulatto father
Abandoned him, after trying to kidnap him
From his mother in a parking lot in
Broad daylight, traumatizing him at age 3.
He was beautiful in ev'ry shade the
word is meant to convey.
He became a child model, and appeared
In television bit parts and walk-ons.
Perhaps he would wind up on theater
Screens like his father.
Seems incredibly long ago;
A length of rope seems as long when
Someone you love, with his whole life
Before him, opens his arms to free fall
Ev'ry minute for the following years,
Still dazzling me with his dimpled smile
That meant nothing to him.
Late last summer, with the hindering of
Drugs & drink, and clinical depression,
The drop from a freeway overpass
Was about to be the poster child for
Why innocence of the core often
Loses out on the slippery slopes of
Misguided intervention.
Caught by the scruff of his black hoodie,
His physical body was pulled off
The barrier wall, and saved.
But the soul we never see slipped through
And fell far below to the gravel road
Where tractors passed each day.
The images change like the chamber
In a revolver of Russian roulette
That holds the only bullet.
It's only one, but one is all you need
To snuff the third eye.
I don't care to have the other two
Now that I know that in his mind,
God's little drug mule's into fisting.
The last time I got to hold him
For what must have seemed to him
An interminable lapse,
I knew all we could hope for was
That he might stay alive.
I felt selfish to wish him to exist.
I would've wanted more if it were me.
But for my sweet brilliant nephew,
His life was our loss, all of us.
Draw the seared tracks in pools of his
Lethargy one minute, through dwindling
Piles of emeralds & rubies, the next.
My nephew Kyle could've been anything.
A mulatto baby out of wedlock,
Not in the social outcast sense, but
In the way his (also) mulatto father
Abandoned him, after trying to kidnap him
From his mother in a parking lot in
Broad daylight, traumatizing him at age 3.
He was beautiful in ev'ry shade the
word is meant to convey.
He became a child model, and appeared
In television bit parts and walk-ons.
Perhaps he would wind up on theater
Screens like his father.
Seems incredibly long ago;
A length of rope seems as long when
Someone you love, with his whole life
Before him, opens his arms to free fall
Ev'ry minute for the following years,
Still dazzling me with his dimpled smile
That meant nothing to him.
Late last summer, with the hindering of
Drugs & drink, and clinical depression,
The drop from a freeway overpass
Was about to be the poster child for
Why innocence of the core often
Loses out on the slippery slopes of
Misguided intervention.
Caught by the scruff of his black hoodie,
His physical body was pulled off
The barrier wall, and saved.
But the soul we never see slipped through
And fell far below to the gravel road
Where tractors passed each day.
The images change like the chamber
In a revolver of Russian roulette
That holds the only bullet.
It's only one, but one is all you need
To snuff the third eye.
I don't care to have the other two
Now that I know that in his mind,
God's little drug mule's into fisting.
The last time I got to hold him
For what must have seemed to him
An interminable lapse,
I knew all we could hope for was
That he might stay alive.
I felt selfish to wish him to exist.
I would've wanted more if it were me.
But for my sweet brilliant nephew,
His life was our loss, all of us.