Challenge: Suicide Note

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The note was a mistake. I didn't
mean to write it, but I did.
Feeling no pain, nothing at all.

Sleep-walking with eyes open
and thoughts on hold, typing
bloodied fingerprints on the keys.

I hadn't planned to have you find the
black and white of my lost faith lying
stillborn in the paper tray.

Scared

Gods eat bullets.

  Back in the day them niggas used to slang delusion in the form of a rock like a jeweler selling a wedding ring at Tiffany's,  and you are jaded from a solid Epiphany.
 Telling yourself you were wrong for not choosing polygamy. So now you got a ball and a chain, and you can't hang your shame because a kid on the way.

  Stupid young soldier.Your life is over. Money got you entagled. Now you feeling strangled. I know and I ain't even in your shoes. I can tell by the empty bottles of jack.  You even built up some rasp in your voice, like you been gargling jacks!

Listen here Jack!

 I'm young, dumb, and walking the path of the bum. Best fucking hope in life would be to pick up the gun. I got conflict in my soul. I don't know right from wrong as  I think about fucking this nun with the barrel of a gun.

So son don't step up barrel chested because this vet will crush your chest  like a Donkey and beat his chest like a Kong.



I'm wild and you're not that's why you married a stranger sucker.
I just fuck them.
Never love them.

   I attempt to vent to avoid revenge.
God looks at me reluctantly to exact my descent into the realm.

Demons throw shots!
Fuck Scotland.
I'm an African king!
So I dodge these shots like my name Pernell in the ring.
Yet I gotta pull a Tom and run like Forest.  
The girls love the schemes so i guess I'll let my  WHIT-TAKE-HER.
; )
There's no love to do this.
I spent years breaking hearts like Jennifer Love Hewitt.  
I'm garbage because Allana left my heart wounded and now my soul polluted.  
 
   You don't need my life homeboy
and I damn sure don't want yours.
The only divorce that  I want is the soul from this corpse. You live long and suffer. While I discover how to make this 45 turn my brain into gushers.

Mother Fucker!!!!!!

Wow.

'Suicide Note'

I sit here and write this sad poem,
And think of you, so cool,
When all I have is pain and gloom,
To be with you, your pool.

Which method is best, I ponder?
And think of failed thoughts,
Slit wrists or swallow pills?
To be accepted, NOT!

I've pursued when I was younger,
Your kind didn't want me,
When my idealism boomed,
Now I cry with envy.

Would your social group so miss me,
If I drowned in the bath?
With the radio plugged in then,
Made fun of, brunt of wrath!

I'm physically ill over you,
Crawling back to my cave,
Think of all the men you have screwed,
And turned down, at the rave.

I sit here and ponder in pain,
Would I be those spurned men?
I know you are out of my league,
Should I save meds again?

I sit here and see you going up,
In your social circle,
When I am a social island,
A nerd, just like Urkel.

What's the point of my existence,
If I can't make hot love?
No woman wants me, to my grave,
He fits you like a glove.

All I want is validation,
From a girl like you,
Do not want no condemnation,
But it's you I watch screw.

Would the world miss me, slit arms,
A dark point in my life,
I could leave a suicide note,
Before I slit, a knife!

I lay in bed, at 6 AM,
While you cease partying,
And can't sleep, you haunt my psyche,
Facing death and shaking!

I see you have a nice cute face,
Win a guy so over,
Would I finally win in death?
Lights out, darkness, over!

I know you're reading this
I'm watching from the cliff above
oh, and one final thought
heads up, love!

Hi family
I thought I'd make it interesting for you. It might stink a little but hey you all called me stinker anyway.

now that you've found my body
let me tell you, death wasn't so much of a bummer
and besides, I wanted you all to be excited
like finding that last easter egg in summer

There will be a resounding thwack
don't wake up
it's only me

Morning, I know you said we should see others
or at least, that's what your voice mail said when you rang
so I thought I'd let you know
tonight I'm going out with a bang

Very nice and deep!

All I have left inside,
is a shell of the soul that died,
a cup of the tears i cried,
and thoughts of suicide,
and though i welcome,
oblivion's sweet kiss,
as I stand upon the precipice,
and step off the ledge,
into sepulcher's black abyss,
I cannot abide,
being unjustified,
in heeding sorrows dark cry,
so while the winged seraphim,
and the horned teraphim,
in unison sigh,
"You are a fool to die,
for the love of Life, why?"
And as explanation i say,
"For a broken hearts sweet yearning,
do i plan to die, ere break of day,"
for yea,
the sun seemed black as night,
and as my chest drew tight,
i prepared to fly,
or die,
whilst i try,
And they crooned, "Woe!
Woe to the young with a soul so old,
and with a blackened heart,
in a poets mold!"
So I begged, "Let my story be told..."

"For foolish young love,
did i die,
yet not a single tear,
for me did you cry,
for foolish young love,
i took one last dive,
Because you weren't there,
in my life."

My body can't compete with the men you've loved;
So that is why I don't approach;
I've felt for you, but no mutual attraction thereof;
And as a sexual being, you think I'm a cockroach.

I have applied for jobs, near and far,
But no such positions have come up;
Men you've banged compared to me they're movie stars
And I'm so inexperienced like a new born pup.

I feel a burden; to both family and society
Humanity would be better off without me;
I feel like a failure due to my disability;
What's one less man, collecting government cheese

But before I go, I want you to have from me
I will leave you a poem on DVD.

Tell me
what would you do
if you knew
that I was
would you scream
would you shout
would you hurt
me
inside
I am broken
outside
all that you will see
is a sad tired lonely smile
as I pack my bags
to go
to another place
and where ever I land
it will be then
I will have to decide
do I stay
to try
with all the pain
that it brings
to put back together
my broken fractured
wings
or just leave
my body
and my feelings
behind

lethal thoughts



"The voice of Nirvana
said, come as you are"



and I swear
that I
don't have a gun
no, I don't have a gun
no, I don't have a gun



how funny ,
the irony of the lyrics
speaking to me

I hear the city
I see the city
from forty five storeys
in the sky

the traffic down there
I remembered my toys

I don’t know why
but I felt
that was
really necessary
to shave my head

I see my  hair
on the cement

they never complete
the floor tiles
on this rooftop



No, I don't have a gun
No, I don't have a gun



yes Kurt,
I also don’t have a gun
would’ve been so cool

thanks for bringing this
last smile on my face



Memoria
Memoria



the song is fading
inside my head
through my ears
to the phone

should I call her?
one last time?