CHILDHOOD ABUSE AWARENESS

This is amazing. Very well written, and it tugs on my heart strings so tight!

Thing's are heating up! Awesome work guy's! 😉. This will be hard! Thanx for your hard work guy's, all of you have brought tears to my soul! It's sad & heartbreaking, however, our voices & our work are our strongest weapons, thanx for your submissions, SURVIVOR➰

Fatherly Love

Please don’t come home drunk
Please, please, please. Please
Please don’t come home drunk
God please don’t let him be drunk
I pray just don’t let him be drunk
I plead with you sober not drunk
I beg you that he’s sober not drunk
I beseech you

Please don’t let him hurt me
Please, please, please. Please
Please don’t let him hurt me
God please don’t let him hurt me
I pray just don’t let him be violent
I plead with you he’s at least passive
I beg you not to let him hurt me again
I implore you

He’s drunk again, he’s gonna hurt me
Despite all my pleading he’s gonna hurt me
Why God, did you not even try to stop him
My prayers unanswered he’s gonna hit me
I will plead with him not to do the bad thing
I will beg him not to do the secret thing
I will throw myself at his feet

Please don’t hurt me
Please, please stop
Please, please don’t
You are hurting me
It’s so painful
I beg you; “STOP!”
“Just please stop”
He doesn’t stop
I lie here, bleeding

I humbly submit this piece to this competition. Child abuse is very traumatic and it needs to be addressed and people need to know that it does happen- so that it can be stopped! Recovery and healing are very real and possible outcomes if people know what to look for and how they can help.

I won't.


I've never had to feel this
so deeply before, this crushing,
heavy weight of shame so intense before
and when I look at you, I'm lost for words.

My heart feels strangely full of
this overpowering, overwhelming, unwanted sadness
and I feel like this once full organ has been suddenly deflated-
sharp edges of carelessly words pressing into soft flesh.

Oh, please won't someone tell me
that all of this is only in my head...
won't someone have mercy and let me know
that this unrelenting heaviness will cease and pass.

I've never been this afraid before, in fact,
never before have I thought to not bare these scars.
They made me into who I am and
I'm not trying to hide anymore.

Please, won't you tell me why on that night
when you suggested I might try to hide,
or better yet, please someone tell me an explanation why,
without question, without fight, I readily complied.

Maybe it was something deep and instinctual,
something always right beneath my thoughts, but
I'm fighting it because I won't just "deal" with it anymore-
I'll crush this before its sinewy hand takes hold of my heart.

I'll wrap it up tight, cradle my own heart now
and I will, everyday, bear these arms.
I am a conqueror, my fight with shame long since over-
this is my history, of which I am proud, and not my charm.

Snugglebuck,

Wow! Your last line:
snugglebuck said:The monsters children fear most are real.  They don’t hide under their beds, but can be found sleeping next to mommy instead.


So incredibly powerful. I'm telling you, reading it was like the finishing blow of a boxing match. Very good writing! Thank you so much for sharing and submitting this one! Good luck!

     Broken


I'm only a boy
I am so young
Just a broken toy
I am no one's son

Every night I cry
Pray to never wake
Many mornings go by
In the corner I shake

In comes the dark
The pain starts again
Attacks like a shark
Wounder whats my sin

It comes storming down
With hate in its eyes
Jusy set my soul free
No one hears my cries

What could be so foul
To make a child suffer
Lord just take me now
And help my heart recover

Is that a light I see
Or just a false find
A crash comes to me
Forever my soul is blind

Taught only by hate
No help from above
This may be my fate
It wont have my love

I was 10 when I was told that I was ugly,
by 12 I had learned why no one wants to be friends with me,
and at 13, I wanted to kill myself,
I had had enough
i wanted to make my suicide look like a murder,
and that's what it was
because I was just a child and nothing else
nothing wrong could I have done back then,
it was not my fault that my face did not give pleasure to their senses,
and one day- I tried it for the first time
eyes wide open - I exhaled and inhaled
whatever the air had for me, I took it all in
and breathed it all out
that's when I learned- whatever comes in, has to go away
and deep inside I heard myself begging me to hold on,
screaming into my mind- to throw away that blade
because this too shall pass- Like everything else,
nothing will last forever,
not happiness,
not sadness,
accept the pain,
it is okay to cry
but keep the light alive,
because pain is temporary- like everything else

Daddy's Little Girl:

At such a young age, she was ravaged.
Anal abuse awareness; you're so savage.
Daddy's little girl, so innocent, so free.
Naked and beautiful, and beneath him, was she.

Mommy at work, Brother is fine.
Daddy and daughter need "time."
Staged and prepped, foreplay at its best.
Adolescence and impurity.
Oh no! Incest!


Adulthood hits home; true love at its finest.
Daddy "loves" his daughter... still, she is blinded.
Never alone, too far from protection.
Daddy is truth and the infection.

An investigation made. Troopers come to my job.
Wide eyed and curious, "What's going on?"


Note from the Author:

This is a true story to be told. My father molested me since I was a child. Three weeks ago, the troopers came to my home; spoke to my 21 year-old brother and took my 8 year-old sister from school. My mother is a wreck with the news.

My father is in jail. We are waiting.
My sister is in foster care. We are waiting.
I have taken up counseling. I am waiting.

DISGRACE  

I heard the screams inside my head  
praying you would come for me instead  
i wanted them to have a break  
from all the abuse they had to take  

i cowered in the corner and cried at night  
wishing I could stop the fight  
I can still hear the sound of you beating my mother  
for trying to save my brother  

broom handles and baseball bats  
so helpless with innocence  
how could you torture him  
while listening to his cries?  
what gave you the right?  

any person that could take a child so small  
show him no love  
let him believe he had no future at all  
deserves what you got  
remember the buck shot?  

your going to die a long lonely death  
you can't do what you done and have no regret  
all the black eyes and busted lips  
I hope they were worth it  

carpel tunnel and cancer is your future  
it's your turn to suffer a different kind of torture  
on this earth you have no place  
a complete disgrace to the human race

he loved to play with electicty ! extreme content !
I will die with the truth

You gotta earn your why in life
it's the way it has to be.
sure you can
lie, manipulate, sneak, and perpetrate,
but now your back at zero.
canceled out,
hitting the floor begging for more
the vanity that i see
disgusts me internally
nothing in life is for free.
trust me,

I've been rich
spending 3000 a week
and been poor
where
I couldn't afford
even something un seen like emotional support.

so fuckin hungry i attack without reason
starring at people like its fucking hunting season
chopped up,skrewd up, my doc says my minds fucked up

even my own mother is afraid of me
she watches her mouth when she talks to me.
the only one shes does it with I've truly seen,

but if you knew me you would see
why im the way i am.

most people grab their face in shock
then try and hold my hands and talk
apologizing and crying like there ones.
who took my soul when I was young.

violently damaging,
abusing and torturing me!
i fucking! hate ! electricity!!

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!

i screamed and begged
but NO one ever listens to kids
just follow what your parents rules

so i did,
and
i acceppted my fate ..

i was no older than 7
when i lost sight of heaven

and by the time i was 8
i had seen women raped

and by the end of that year
and without feeling fear
i could grab that fucking electric fence
and not even one tear.

would fall from my face.

my pops was killer ,
a true gangster for real.

not that street gang
gangbangin flag wearin
pussy ass shit

but a real organized crime syndicate

if you've ever watched gangland on the history channel
and you dig that type of shit .
you probably seen my house raided by the feds
and the crew he fucked with

now you know
bits and picecs of
only two years of my life .

i'am now 25
i've seen way to much to quick

but maybe you will understand
why i am so cold
and make people earn their own shit,

trying to vent
It was a cold winter night, when I had to learn to fight.
To fight for my innocence, and fight for my right...
To not be brought in to his devilish sins...
but yet he FORCED me, forced me to give in.

He held me by the neck, and held my arms down..
He pulled down my pants, &I couldn't make a sound..
He stuck it in deep, and for no help could I seek  
His friends thought it was funny, they even offered him money..
but they gave me my reward, that left me alone and sore
It was a little needle, but it was very evil..
It entered my life, and entered my veins,
the very reason why life would never be the same.

I remember the nights hiding in fear,
fear that this ''man'' was coming near...
I dreamed of his face for many years to come,
and I remember looking around, but still I found none.
If they were there&I was to fucked up to care..
You'd think they would stop me, and help me get free...
but yet they sat back&just let me be.
Its a personal choice though, but not for a child..
a child whose love was always cut mild.


Is there even a reason for me to change?
Is there even a reason for me to not be the same?
Do you know the pain I went through,
and now you expect me to be perfect for you?
I'm trying my best, but it's not good enough...
I guess I just gotta learn how to grow up&be tough.
But how the fuck can I grow?? If I never even began..
because my childhood was ruined by a man.
But yet, I can't talk, I must hold it in..
I can't tell a soul about the devilish men.
I keep running in circles, away from my self.
Running in circles, away from my secret hell.

Thank you SURVIVOR for the award and the opportunity to share my work!! And thank you, todski!

Hope to have more chances to share on such important topics! All my love!

Your work "won't" was an amazing write! A personal journal of continual struggle of dealing with the aftermath & acceptance of who your  becoming. Standing tall and refusing to bow your head in their shame. Ultimately taking back control and your power which was stolen to feed their weaknesses! And your message beforehand was written. with an eloquent plea!  You showed bravery  and courage. Who couldn't learn from that😉! So congratulations & thank you!       SURVIVOR➰