Poetry competition CLOSED 11th July 2015 2:27pm
WINNER
Anonymous
Anonymous
RUNNERS-UP:
LobodeSanPedro
and feenixfiles
Talking To Yourself
Poetry Contest Description
Could be a soliloquy, or you could be physically talking to yourself.
You could be standing in front of a mirror. What would you say? You could be a different person, what would you say to you?
I believe in this
Small pale wish
Only my hopes you could lift
But through my thoughts you forgot to sift.
Where'd you go,
When you lost yourself.
Drowned in waters so shallow
Nothing from yourself expected anything less.
Now for me, please take the time to see.
The holes the scars, they won't ever fade.
But now you've gone too far from reach,
Watching down you lay, weak and afraid.
I believe in this
Small pale wish
Only my hopes you could lift
But through my thoughts you forgot to sift.
Where'd you go,
When you lost yourself.
Drowned in waters so shallow
Nothing from yourself expected anything less.
Now for me, please take the time to see.
The holes the scars, they won't ever fade.
But now you've gone too far from reach,
Watching down you lay, weak and afraid.
Introspection
I wonder why I am me,
I've been so all my life
Someone else I could not be
Without another wife.
I am glad that I am me
My wife is my support
We always seem to agree
On matters of import.
Two daughters we have raized
And had an eventful time
We have always been amazed
That life's not been a climb.
We have been so happy
Did we make our own luck?
We've helped those less lucky
Whose lives became unstuck.
We've tried to have a balance
And lived within our means
Made use of our talents;
Perhaps it's in our genes
I wonder why I am me,
I've been so all my life
Someone else I could not be
Without another wife.
I am glad that I am me
My wife is my support
We always seem to agree
On matters of import.
Two daughters we have raized
And had an eventful time
We have always been amazed
That life's not been a climb.
We have been so happy
Did we make our own luck?
We've helped those less lucky
Whose lives became unstuck.
We've tried to have a balance
And lived within our means
Made use of our talents;
Perhaps it's in our genes
I told you so...
Allow me to acknowledge & attend
& anticipate announcing answers alone again
about us. & you, yes you. I see you “checking in”
looking like a lost lounge lizard longing for light
secretly summonsing spotlights safely to the shadows
& I know your indifference is ignorance & you have yet to learn
try to take the task that was taught as a traveller & not tourist
surrender sometimes, serving simply as a sign of strength
command a confession re: our connection & the confusion it creates
so a story is spun & set to singular seasons, set to start, set to stop
maybe more is mapped & maybe we’ll meet once more
I admit my attention, at best absent, I acknowledge it all
I set you up for survival strength, safety & set you free
Here’s hoping you have the high highs, heartache & heal
Learn to love, learn to look for the lesson, learn to live
Allow me to acknowledge & attend
& anticipate announcing answers alone again
about us. & you, yes you. I see you “checking in”
looking like a lost lounge lizard longing for light
secretly summonsing spotlights safely to the shadows
& I know your indifference is ignorance & you have yet to learn
try to take the task that was taught as a traveller & not tourist
surrender sometimes, serving simply as a sign of strength
command a confession re: our connection & the confusion it creates
so a story is spun & set to singular seasons, set to start, set to stop
maybe more is mapped & maybe we’ll meet once more
I admit my attention, at best absent, I acknowledge it all
I set you up for survival strength, safety & set you free
Here’s hoping you have the high highs, heartache & heal
Learn to love, learn to look for the lesson, learn to live
Anonymous
Cerulean Reflections (Soliloquy)
O' soul, how could twilight's dawn appease
which vision will lend me liberty
a mere reflection that I am
falling in steps to dance of death
my ink's magic stands askance
besets my own inequity
wrap me in silence against threshold
beseeched spliced by lightning bolt
my reasoning will grow in hands of cold.
O' noble one, the earth shall cry
seared upon my deepest core
crimson tears beyond my reach
innocence rebirth in fortress of fear
seduced and nestled in sweet delusion
truth smiles as it leaves me weak
Tis beauty, thy creation
such purity I ne'er knew, thusly
imitations value none thy own.
O' soul, how could twilight's dawn appease
which vision will lend me liberty
a mere reflection that I am
falling in steps to dance of death
my ink's magic stands askance
besets my own inequity
wrap me in silence against threshold
beseeched spliced by lightning bolt
my reasoning will grow in hands of cold.
O' noble one, the earth shall cry
seared upon my deepest core
crimson tears beyond my reach
innocence rebirth in fortress of fear
seduced and nestled in sweet delusion
truth smiles as it leaves me weak
Tis beauty, thy creation
such purity I ne'er knew, thusly
imitations value none thy own.
"Self Portrait"
You have no definition of your own
You define yourself by what you oppose
You are so afraid of being alone
You've run out of friends on which to impose
Everyone warned me so I should have known
It is clear now that your true color shows
You can't hide what your mind already knows
You must pay back what your empty heart owes
You are a blind possessor of your faults
You deny yours but point to your neighbors
A tremor within begins your assault
While shaking with the fear of showing yours
Hiding yourself behind mental walls
I wish you could unlock those fragile doors
And remember how to open the vaults
Only your heart can forgive what your mind ignores
( jj johnson)
You have no definition of your own
You define yourself by what you oppose
You are so afraid of being alone
You've run out of friends on which to impose
Everyone warned me so I should have known
It is clear now that your true color shows
You can't hide what your mind already knows
You must pay back what your empty heart owes
You are a blind possessor of your faults
You deny yours but point to your neighbors
A tremor within begins your assault
While shaking with the fear of showing yours
Hiding yourself behind mental walls
I wish you could unlock those fragile doors
And remember how to open the vaults
Only your heart can forgive what your mind ignores
( jj johnson)
Anonymous
###
Anonymous
I need A New Drug.
everything is warped.
I'm Schrodinger's cat and this planet
my earthly box
an alien in this crowd
I'm dead alive
perhaps both
and I won't know until I'm let out
an infiltrator
I do recall a mission
an agenda
perhaps this is all just a dream
maybe when I sleep that's real
and this waking stage
is just a rest
I might be an uploaded conscience
securely strapped to the matrix
I need a reboot
my natural habitat must be extinct and my peers
few
perhaps this is synaptic failure
and I'm just a battery charged with passion
misfiring
going insane
because I'd have to be crazy
to fit in here
get my cell ready
He's in jail ...
So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
He's your cousin
I've got lots of cousins
besides it's my dad's birthday
Dad spent some of mine in jail
Some of his too
That dumbfuck cousin of mine
Looked on the net
Counts are
Possession of coke
Posession of meth
Driving without a license
Back child support
I keep some weed in my car
To take the edge off
Some Jack too
To take the edge off
Sometimes my .45
To take the edge off
along with some of my coworkers
But hey I work
Not like that dumbfuck
I cut open my knees not so long ago
300 lb heavy bag
The crimson pearls looked like pomegranate juice
They've healed to watermelon seeds
He and I use to like watermelon
In between stealing our grandmother's beer and cigarettes
He's still stealing from her again
Even from her grave
Dumbfuck
Im pounding that bag again
Carving out the hickory sticks I'll need
to beat his ass
Bloody
Prepping for a fight
That won't come
Because I love that
Dumbfuck
I'll slip him a twenty
Get high with him
Bow on my mended knees
Waiting for the next call
Shifting through her lullabies
But wanting that .45
Because
I'm a dumbfuck too
He's in jail ...
So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
He's your cousin
I've got lots of cousins
besides it's my dad's birthday
Dad spent some of mine in jail
Some of his too
That dumbfuck cousin of mine
Looked on the net
Counts are
Possession of coke
Posession of meth
Driving without a license
Back child support
I keep some weed in my car
To take the edge off
Some Jack too
To take the edge off
Sometimes my .45
To take the edge off
along with some of my coworkers
But hey I work
Not like that dumbfuck
I cut open my knees not so long ago
300 lb heavy bag
The crimson pearls looked like pomegranate juice
They've healed to watermelon seeds
He and I use to like watermelon
In between stealing our grandmother's beer and cigarettes
He's still stealing from her again
Even from her grave
Dumbfuck
Im pounding that bag again
Carving out the hickory sticks I'll need
to beat his ass
Bloody
Prepping for a fight
That won't come
Because I love that
Dumbfuck
I'll slip him a twenty
Get high with him
Bow on my mended knees
Waiting for the next call
Shifting through her lullabies
But wanting that .45
Because
I'm a dumbfuck too
- My Soul, Manifest -
A Message to Myself, from My Innermost Soul…
Oh woman clad in the form of man, hear now thy soul manifest…
When the Goddess cast thee into exile, to save thy errant spirit,
It was not out of hatred, but for love and so thou would persist!
Be not afraid of what lies within; embrace the fire, do not fear it.
Thou had no gender in that time, but gained one when incarnate,
Amongst the children of the gods, to teach them the elder ways!
But of the angels and their kin, thou knew but one most intimate.
And she is bound to thee, a part of thee for the length of days…
Interminable, unto the ending of one cycle and the birth of new.
What irony, that the ruler of the gods called thee his elder kin…
Yet treated thee the lesser, heedless of the old pacts more true.
They called thee wicked, but behold their lie: and so their sin…
For once thou walked in the hall with floor of black and white,
And learned the secrets of the brothers and sisters of shadow;
Lo, illumination came unto thee, like the glory of a starry night!
And in the secret places, thou didst dance in the flame’s glow.
Oh androgynous angel, fallen god, incarnate as a mere human,
Be not ashamed of thy estate, however low it hath been cast…
For not one can change, how one is birthed within the womb!
Embrace the woman within, the darkness and light that do last.
Fear neither gods nor men, for thou walked in places beyond,
Seeing all and nothing, remembering and yet forgetting all truth.
I am thee: magnified and what thou were and yet must become,
Before this mortal life comes to a close, to the bosom of death.
Thou hast suffered, and yet thou hast come through the horror,
Seeing the eye that shines brightly, and feeling the sun’s rays…
So be strong, be brave, and be willing to understand yet more.
As in the times when thou were lost, where the path oft strays!
Follow my voice, and let it guide thee and keep thee to thyself,
Whole in thy nature, open to the love of others and of wisdom!
I have shown thee knowledge not found on book or on shelf…
And that knowledge shall open for thee, the celestial kingdom.
A Message to Myself, from My Innermost Soul…
Oh woman clad in the form of man, hear now thy soul manifest…
When the Goddess cast thee into exile, to save thy errant spirit,
It was not out of hatred, but for love and so thou would persist!
Be not afraid of what lies within; embrace the fire, do not fear it.
Thou had no gender in that time, but gained one when incarnate,
Amongst the children of the gods, to teach them the elder ways!
But of the angels and their kin, thou knew but one most intimate.
And she is bound to thee, a part of thee for the length of days…
Interminable, unto the ending of one cycle and the birth of new.
What irony, that the ruler of the gods called thee his elder kin…
Yet treated thee the lesser, heedless of the old pacts more true.
They called thee wicked, but behold their lie: and so their sin…
For once thou walked in the hall with floor of black and white,
And learned the secrets of the brothers and sisters of shadow;
Lo, illumination came unto thee, like the glory of a starry night!
And in the secret places, thou didst dance in the flame’s glow.
Oh androgynous angel, fallen god, incarnate as a mere human,
Be not ashamed of thy estate, however low it hath been cast…
For not one can change, how one is birthed within the womb!
Embrace the woman within, the darkness and light that do last.
Fear neither gods nor men, for thou walked in places beyond,
Seeing all and nothing, remembering and yet forgetting all truth.
I am thee: magnified and what thou were and yet must become,
Before this mortal life comes to a close, to the bosom of death.
Thou hast suffered, and yet thou hast come through the horror,
Seeing the eye that shines brightly, and feeling the sun’s rays…
So be strong, be brave, and be willing to understand yet more.
As in the times when thou were lost, where the path oft strays!
Follow my voice, and let it guide thee and keep thee to thyself,
Whole in thy nature, open to the love of others and of wisdom!
I have shown thee knowledge not found on book or on shelf…
And that knowledge shall open for thee, the celestial kingdom.
Don't Apply With The Devil
they say, The Devil never sleeps
I say, he wakes up early
for tea
when dawn breaks
the Devil awakes
and he's looking for me
he showers and he dresses
his powers always impresses
the weak
he almost hired me
when I was unemployed
but something about his teeth
made me feel a little annoyed
his grin was thin
his smirk had girth
I knew it wasn't for me
I walked the streets
with defeat
and searched the sky
for a sign
the only sound that
came around
was a hysterical laugh
and a shriek
hands clapped
and so did feet
someone was hired
and there was a fire
burning inside of me
my advice to those that seek
employment
don't apply with The Devil
you will be
disappointed
they say, The Devil never sleeps
I say, he wakes up early
for tea
when dawn breaks
the Devil awakes
and he's looking for me
he showers and he dresses
his powers always impresses
the weak
he almost hired me
when I was unemployed
but something about his teeth
made me feel a little annoyed
his grin was thin
his smirk had girth
I knew it wasn't for me
I walked the streets
with defeat
and searched the sky
for a sign
the only sound that
came around
was a hysterical laugh
and a shriek
hands clapped
and so did feet
someone was hired
and there was a fire
burning inside of me
my advice to those that seek
employment
don't apply with The Devil
you will be
disappointed
Anonymous
Things they never tell you about rings
Nobody tells you how much
you miss your own space
all those times when you'd huddle
under the duvet with a good book,
into the small hours of night
you'd plug music
directly into your heart
and you'd listen hard.
They focus a lot on the fairytales,
the happy-ever-afters
that flood the affair with photos
you both frame on your walls
that you dust twice a year
for the in-laws sake.
They never tell you
about the loneliness.
They never tell you
of all the nights
that you will remember
the way your father laughs
at the punchline to all his jokes,
and the way your mothers lips
crudely thin because of it all
or the way you once drank
whiskey and cigarette smoke,
and how you smiled
when they greeted you from work
with all the love in the world
not so long ago.
They never tell you
about the loneliness.
They wouldn't.
Nobody tells you how much
you miss your own space
all those times when you'd huddle
under the duvet with a good book,
into the small hours of night
you'd plug music
directly into your heart
and you'd listen hard.
They focus a lot on the fairytales,
the happy-ever-afters
that flood the affair with photos
you both frame on your walls
that you dust twice a year
for the in-laws sake.
They never tell you
about the loneliness.
They never tell you
of all the nights
that you will remember
the way your father laughs
at the punchline to all his jokes,
and the way your mothers lips
crudely thin because of it all
or the way you once drank
whiskey and cigarette smoke,
and how you smiled
when they greeted you from work
with all the love in the world
not so long ago.
They never tell you
about the loneliness.
They wouldn't.
hello, my name is chris, and i used to be human
(tell'em how much you really loove your name)
i have you for that...
some time between 1990 (17) and 1992 (19), i know because of the window, i drempt that i was woken up by a creature (for some reason resembling the thing that comes out of the closet in poltergeist) sticking its overly large head through the window and asking me if i wanted to travel to the stars.
i reluctantly declined, stating a family requirement to have children... (self imposed... but i guess i have always been medieval about this topic) and that is where the dream appears to have ended, maybe with me going back to sleep.
This mindset affects my life severely. When "my" raven contacted me in 1996 (23), still living at home, i was stunned, i was actually contacted by one of those strangely wonderful creatures known as "girls" in a social manner that i understood (email stating that she was intrigued by my having dog poet in my profile) and she actually has a brain that functions as more than head filler, meeting over the net as we did, the brain is really what i fell in love with. after a few weeks or months, we meet despite her revising her age by three years... downward.
i fall in love at first sight (already having been there online it was easy) and was inexperienced enough at judging age that i do not realize her true age.
(asshole, admit it, you were too dazzled by her c cups)
a few months later, having crossed one legal boundary, but not the next, i find out her true age, so at that point i basically put my life on hold, and avoid her as much as tolerable, looking towards marriage and children as soon as permissible, it being a distance relationship and being more poly than possessive, it was easy to listen to her talk about boys and her life (that $300 would have been wasted on something else anyway, might as well go to the phone.) she said recently that i was a great help to her from 1996 to 1999. doesn't really ease my guilt and self hatred, i think that the only thing that would is having her (again) or them (for the first time) in my arms.
(your passive aggressive melt down as he was taking
her out of your life makes him sharing her with you... unlikely)
many failed relationships later (breeze throughs by raven killing them all but not fast enough for her) i eventually get married in 2001 (28) to a white woman that i will call Porcelain Doll (36). By 2003 (30) i realize that children are unlikely and i get despondent, and am vulnerable when raven makes her second play over the course of the relationship. eventually, after an abortive permitted play with raven, (ended when porcelain doll slams the screen door and leaves) Raven moves in with new rules - kitten must find her own play toys.
(you know raven was expecting you to
choose your soul deep love for her
over your shattered honor and
responsibility and mutilated integrity..
just how did you like
your cold empty bed without her?)
Eventually, after dating a string of guys raven meets her current husband who i will call SamWise (*not* a Lord of the rings reference) (or starts dating him again not sure...
(the earlier "name" from your blog may have
been a short hair with the same name,
you are just trying to make yourself feel less bad,
so what if she met a richmond, va guy
because she was living in stafford, va
instead of living in towson, maryland )
He is a long haired man, (at the time i think have to have short hair working for the military :em runs fingers through long hair) with approximately my coloring but is a lot thinner, and is even more introverted than i am... he is also 24 when she is 20, so they are a lot closer in age.. (right off the bat, i envy him for three things, being permitted to make Raven scream, His long Hair, and not being otherwise attached) over time i make friendly overtures, even inviting him out to family dinners at restaurants that my parents invite us to (they have always loathed Porcelain Doll... hell in one of her better moments when my parents were helping us find my current house (read that as kicking her oout of theirs) Porcelain doll freaks out when the lights go out with a FOOM as i am trying to put a light bulb into a broken light bulb (no bulb, just metal, get it?) she freaks out runs up the stairs screaming that she wishes my father had died when he was in the hospital with a heart attack ... is it any wonder that they gave Raven my phone number when she called their house, where i used to live) wait ive lost the narritave thread
(samwise, dumbshit, samwise,
the man between you and the woman
you still love for some stupidly ungodly reason)
Anyway there were a few family dinners where it was Mom, Dad, Sister (who i will NOT call BarbieGurl ), Porcelain Doll, Raven, Samwise, and i... at least until raven announces that samwise and her are leaving, and i shut down in despair... (title of parents favorite ever of my significant others was lost fairly quickly when i melted down)
(lets leave out the intervening years where you
epic fail at tractor operations
(i didnt know they could somersault)
- fail the situational awareness test
(normally, mounted cannon do not move)
- and finally reach the point when an
incompetent divorce attorney is retained
(i think he is in jail now or at least disbarred))
(tell'em how much you really loove your name)
i have you for that...
some time between 1990 (17) and 1992 (19), i know because of the window, i drempt that i was woken up by a creature (for some reason resembling the thing that comes out of the closet in poltergeist) sticking its overly large head through the window and asking me if i wanted to travel to the stars.
i reluctantly declined, stating a family requirement to have children... (self imposed... but i guess i have always been medieval about this topic) and that is where the dream appears to have ended, maybe with me going back to sleep.
This mindset affects my life severely. When "my" raven contacted me in 1996 (23), still living at home, i was stunned, i was actually contacted by one of those strangely wonderful creatures known as "girls" in a social manner that i understood (email stating that she was intrigued by my having dog poet in my profile) and she actually has a brain that functions as more than head filler, meeting over the net as we did, the brain is really what i fell in love with. after a few weeks or months, we meet despite her revising her age by three years... downward.
i fall in love at first sight (already having been there online it was easy) and was inexperienced enough at judging age that i do not realize her true age.
(asshole, admit it, you were too dazzled by her c cups)
a few months later, having crossed one legal boundary, but not the next, i find out her true age, so at that point i basically put my life on hold, and avoid her as much as tolerable, looking towards marriage and children as soon as permissible, it being a distance relationship and being more poly than possessive, it was easy to listen to her talk about boys and her life (that $300 would have been wasted on something else anyway, might as well go to the phone.) she said recently that i was a great help to her from 1996 to 1999. doesn't really ease my guilt and self hatred, i think that the only thing that would is having her (again) or them (for the first time) in my arms.
(your passive aggressive melt down as he was taking
her out of your life makes him sharing her with you... unlikely)
many failed relationships later (breeze throughs by raven killing them all but not fast enough for her) i eventually get married in 2001 (28) to a white woman that i will call Porcelain Doll (36). By 2003 (30) i realize that children are unlikely and i get despondent, and am vulnerable when raven makes her second play over the course of the relationship. eventually, after an abortive permitted play with raven, (ended when porcelain doll slams the screen door and leaves) Raven moves in with new rules - kitten must find her own play toys.
(you know raven was expecting you to
choose your soul deep love for her
over your shattered honor and
responsibility and mutilated integrity..
just how did you like
your cold empty bed without her?)
Eventually, after dating a string of guys raven meets her current husband who i will call SamWise (*not* a Lord of the rings reference) (or starts dating him again not sure...
(the earlier "name" from your blog may have
been a short hair with the same name,
you are just trying to make yourself feel less bad,
so what if she met a richmond, va guy
because she was living in stafford, va
instead of living in towson, maryland )
He is a long haired man, (at the time i think have to have short hair working for the military :em runs fingers through long hair) with approximately my coloring but is a lot thinner, and is even more introverted than i am... he is also 24 when she is 20, so they are a lot closer in age.. (right off the bat, i envy him for three things, being permitted to make Raven scream, His long Hair, and not being otherwise attached) over time i make friendly overtures, even inviting him out to family dinners at restaurants that my parents invite us to (they have always loathed Porcelain Doll... hell in one of her better moments when my parents were helping us find my current house (read that as kicking her oout of theirs) Porcelain doll freaks out when the lights go out with a FOOM as i am trying to put a light bulb into a broken light bulb (no bulb, just metal, get it?) she freaks out runs up the stairs screaming that she wishes my father had died when he was in the hospital with a heart attack ... is it any wonder that they gave Raven my phone number when she called their house, where i used to live) wait ive lost the narritave thread
(samwise, dumbshit, samwise,
the man between you and the woman
you still love for some stupidly ungodly reason)
Anyway there were a few family dinners where it was Mom, Dad, Sister (who i will NOT call BarbieGurl ), Porcelain Doll, Raven, Samwise, and i... at least until raven announces that samwise and her are leaving, and i shut down in despair... (title of parents favorite ever of my significant others was lost fairly quickly when i melted down)
(lets leave out the intervening years where you
epic fail at tractor operations
(i didnt know they could somersault)
- fail the situational awareness test
(normally, mounted cannon do not move)
- and finally reach the point when an
incompetent divorce attorney is retained
(i think he is in jail now or at least disbarred))
finally in 2008 (35) i've dropped 320 lbs and started to date a thirty year old big beautiful black woman that i will call Gaia, after the european earth mother sculptures that you find in museums. By 2010 (37) i am married, and blissfully happy, with an imperative from dad to have children by program necessary, foster, adoption, etc... i prefer the natural way.. if you see my wedding pictures, this is when i am pulling my pony tail over the top of my head and laughing uncontrollably
((i have no fucking clue dumbshit,
what the hell happened? how did you go from that to this?
you actually loved and *respected* her,
you never *respected* the last one
pity yes ... well that came later)..
did her giving $10,000 a year to her sister
really matter all that much,
even if they promised it would stop after the wedding...
really? )
fast forward to 2012 (39), we realize there is a problem in the kids department and Gaia starts to investigate fertility clinics, and by april (after being unable to afford a birthday present for her because i had to use all my money for bills, AGAIN) i decide to respond to the message from raven in February 2012 that she is "sorry about all the crazy shit that went down when I left". yes, i was not jealous that i thought Gaia was looking for play partners... but i thought it was her business, and fell right back into the trap that i had pushed to the back of my mind since that February. and it is the pressure of being childless with a demonstrably infertile wife that has exacerbated/resurrected my fixation on Raven (30) and made me as i am today...
(you think you have a bad opinion of him?
he is gleefully appreciative every time someone
demonstrates that they have a higher opinion
of himself than he does... and the bar is set REALLY low...
REALLY low, so low that
most insults are interpreted as compliments...SMH)
you have a head to shake now??? :em facepalm
I only hope that i am a passable father to Bella Sarah, the five month old "beautiful angel" (mid-late october) old that I may be getting the opportunity to foster soon - age seven to eight months old at soonest... and maybe even adopt. she is blood, if not directly *my* blood. She is well adjusted, has hit all her bench marks (so her mothers drug use and drug addled insanity may have had no lasting affect on her,
please god - my life has been on hold long enough.
please god - let her come home.
please god - let me be a good father to her.
(note, i think the parenthetical interjections are a literary device... the only voices i hear are song snippets, classic poems, etc, that i have always had "why am i hearing " such and so song is not what the candy striper wants to hear from someone she is "observing" (i did perhaps mention that hope is deadly, there was a day towards of the porcelain doll fiasco that my grass cutting job sent me to Mary Washington Hospital for "Observation" and the occasional outburst of what may be foreign languages that have come out infrequently since the head injury ...)[/i]
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/186655-trading-the-stars-for-a-dynasty-and//
LobodeSanPedro
This is in response to get my cell ready:
This truly touched my soul. Idk if everyone can relate, I'm sure they could if they really opened their hearts, but a lot of life experiences cone to mind through these words... I've been the fighter gettin high with his .45 .... I've also been the cousin, locked up, a burden to my fam, the once looked up to big bro with the world in his palms, wittled down by society, circumstance, and my own prideful ignorance.... Crying now as I write this....
This is in response to get my cell ready:
This truly touched my soul. Idk if everyone can relate, I'm sure they could if they really opened their hearts, but a lot of life experiences cone to mind through these words... I've been the fighter gettin high with his .45 .... I've also been the cousin, locked up, a burden to my fam, the once looked up to big bro with the world in his palms, wittled down by society, circumstance, and my own prideful ignorance.... Crying now as I write this....
RECOGNATION-REVELATION-RESTORATION
Hey, mother fucker look straight in my eyes
They are the mirror of your disguise
You are on a strange immovable run
I am your bullet, you're my liable gun
You're my ego drowning in a lake of blood
I sense your smile in the veins of my arm
All I can hear is your constant lies
An apocalypse echo in black phony skies
You say it's my fault and it seems to be true
In front of an inner fight I always withdrew
I baptized you in a dark angel's firing hell
I made you crawl like a whore of a brothel
While looking up for some divine shines
I kept you sleepless for countless nights
I used to irrigate you with an expensive habit
You turned me into a fuckin' unconscious addict
You told me then, there's no other choice
For my depression there would be no rejoice
For our suffering there's no solution
nor time for mind revolution
You're so talented in making me a puppet
Persuasion is your weapon...a breast blaze is its cartridge
And the -so called- relief after, is your reward
though, it falls off as we're growing old
Manipulated to justify my own mistakes
you've been convincing me I don't have what it takes
FUCKING COWARD! We've reached a dead end!
A bizarre consequence of being inert..
I'm so tired lifting your secret remorse burden
wherever I tried to burry you, the place became barren
I wish I could erase your cubit line
I wish you could get rid of this ugly side of mine
But we're convicted to tolerate each other
Don't blame God or our dead drunk mother
We're trapped inside a magic lamp made of medals,
prizes by my receptors for my obedience
I said I was sorry I screwed up , my poor self..
But you should feel lucky we haven't dropped dead
So why do you keep torturing me and complain?
Once you said 'I won't put you again through this pain'!
Well, now it's time to choose a way
it's time to seize and live each day
For how much longer will you flinch?
Get on a cloud
Built walls around
And don't forget...I rule YOU, BITCH!
Hey, mother fucker look straight in my eyes
They are the mirror of your disguise
You are on a strange immovable run
I am your bullet, you're my liable gun
You're my ego drowning in a lake of blood
I sense your smile in the veins of my arm
All I can hear is your constant lies
An apocalypse echo in black phony skies
You say it's my fault and it seems to be true
In front of an inner fight I always withdrew
I baptized you in a dark angel's firing hell
I made you crawl like a whore of a brothel
While looking up for some divine shines
I kept you sleepless for countless nights
I used to irrigate you with an expensive habit
You turned me into a fuckin' unconscious addict
You told me then, there's no other choice
For my depression there would be no rejoice
For our suffering there's no solution
nor time for mind revolution
You're so talented in making me a puppet
Persuasion is your weapon...a breast blaze is its cartridge
And the -so called- relief after, is your reward
though, it falls off as we're growing old
Manipulated to justify my own mistakes
you've been convincing me I don't have what it takes
FUCKING COWARD! We've reached a dead end!
A bizarre consequence of being inert..
I'm so tired lifting your secret remorse burden
wherever I tried to burry you, the place became barren
I wish I could erase your cubit line
I wish you could get rid of this ugly side of mine
But we're convicted to tolerate each other
Don't blame God or our dead drunk mother
We're trapped inside a magic lamp made of medals,
prizes by my receptors for my obedience
I said I was sorry I screwed up , my poor self..
But you should feel lucky we haven't dropped dead
So why do you keep torturing me and complain?
Once you said 'I won't put you again through this pain'!
Well, now it's time to choose a way
it's time to seize and live each day
For how much longer will you flinch?
Get on a cloud
Built walls around
And don't forget...I rule YOU, BITCH!
