Pain

Curious

The conversation ended as it always began, with one word. Why? I always began it with how I finished it, with my resignation.  Her questions were endless about rainbows and stars, and how come she could swim like a fish but couldn't fly like a bird.  Sometimes I'd cheat and say ask your mother.  She tells me she did and her mother said to ask me.  

You want me to ask God again daddy. She sucks on her lower lip, doe eyed and waiting.  No I tell her, just wait till I'm there.  We'll ask him together.  Go to sleep, daddy has to go to work in the morning.

hide and seek
counting to ...
forgiven

I knew you all my life
You were someone special to me
I ranted to you when I was upset
And you always listened

You taught me so much
Like not to live in the past
Or how to never pity someone
Life lessons aside you even taught me to drive
My Last I Love You


I looked up to you
I wanted, no I want to be like you
You never judged only cared
You are my hero forever and always

And even though you taught me not to
I still regret not always coming to see you
I know you understood
But still I can't let the guilt go

At the end of every conversation
We always said we loved each other
But our last conversation was cut short
Now I am forever left waiting for my last I Love You

How much longer
can you stand
the pain of waiting
at the crossroads
of future plans
dieing
within the shadows
of this skeletal tree
waiting
for someone
waiting
to become
free

.:Place Your Ears Where We Can Feed 'Em, Do It Now:.

 
coming & going
his way
 
still ramming & ranting but nothing to say
knowing upon arrival
they wouldn’t
play
 
the clash; him
looking for the muzzle flash
odds against him
dead to NO rights; they
got ‘em  
 
right alongside, “HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE ‘EM”
 
yet, there’s not one who’ll believe ‘em
that sound
not the
first nor the second but
inna second
 
full clip
into the 3’rd
 
so absurd “the almost” clarity he heard
that lowering of THE BOOM

KA'BOOM
 
the very definition of
eliminating his
gloom
hard to mimic...or to explain
the distinct way in which
it rang

out  
 
from room
to room
to
tomb
 
see they had given up on him.. long time ago
but they came anyway
seemingly in
slo-mo
see, he had to go
 
knowing not all emotions are exact
some are just
un-adjusted mental issues; along
with a snack
 
these hacks
our best guess?
half-whispering what they felt as facts
deeds done without fear
where the last & only sound
 
same hacks,  “ALL CLEAR"

Tougher now


Now,
In the middle of,
Winter.

I can,
Finally,
Begin,
To think about,
Last,
Summer —

And you;

And us.


Sitting here,
Looking out,
At the snow,
Falling softly,
To earth —

I am reminded,
Of the rain,
That fell,
Gently;
Wetting us,
As we walked,
In the garden,
In no particular hurry,
To get to no particular place,
For no particular reason,
Peculiarly content,
In each others,
Company.


Last night,
Listening to the wind,
Drive the ice crystals,
Against the window,
Huddled,
Deeply cozy,
Under the feather comforter,
Nested in the center of the bed,
Curled around myself,
Missing cuddling with you.


You opened your body,
To me,
I opened my heart,
To you,
You kept hidden,
Your soul,
From me.


That morning,
When I awoke,
Alone;
All that remained of you,
Was a pair,
Of drying panties,
Hanging over,
The shower curtain rod;
Too wet for you,
To have packed;
And an almost empty,
Coffee cup,
In the kitchen sink.


I caught myself,
The other day,
In the mall,
Waiting for you,
Outside that store,
You love,
With a dress,
In the window,
That would look,
Wonderful on you;
And it hurt,
Knowing I would,
Never see you,
Wearing it.


Someone said,
You can only be hurt,
In your heart,
By someone,
To whom,
You have opened your heart;
You hurt me;
It still hurts.

The hurt is beginning,
To scab over.

Scabs form a protective layer,
Tougher that the original was.

I will be slower to love;
Tougher in giving my love;
Slower to expose myself;
Tougher to hurt again.

I’ve grown.

But I still hurt.

And,
Likely,
Always will:
At least,
In remembering you.    

Waves

I am drowning
Excruciating pain
Comes in waves
As body parts
Experience swell
I lack the ability
The strength
To tread
To keep my head
Above the water
A life raft
Of medication
Offers no salvation
Meditation and a
Positive mental
Attitude
Fails as I flail
Around like a
Fish with
Human lungs
Trying to breathe
The water
I am going under
I can feel the
Darkness
Giant squid like
Dragging me
Down to the dark
Deep deaths
Of despair
I reach
Up to the
Surface
A last and
Desperate bid
To seek a rescuing
Strong hand
There is none
The drowning
Slowly continues
I am lost
All at sea
In an ocean
Of pain

Pain -------------



Years of fighting an infestation
of despair, with infinite agony,
realizing, that the world wont care
is real.
It is all I breathe.

Whatever cures the shredded- hearted
does not exist within my reach.
All hope and dreams and the strength that bleeds,
is abandon.
It is gone from me.

I've tried each day - thousands of times
to find a reason, that my soul exists.
To no avail, beating on my mind,
I yearn,
for just one last kiss.

But no,
I'm in a darkness low.
Farther down under where no one may go.
Frightened,
it consumes this need.
It can't be saved,
this Pain I feed.

Hollow,
I beg for forgiveness.

ISIS

flying through the desert
power of a sandstorm
friend and benefactor
of the less fortunate
the underdogs

she of the beauty
stamped on for eons
goddess of children
and the dead

unto her name
pain arose
like a tower
from the land of beginnings
pain knows no mercy

they worship him
standing tall and screaming
with laughter at the naivete
of humans
pain has conquered
and will remain

Isis, the pharaoh
heed her no more
there is a new world
and it doesn't know her
but it knows ISIS
and worship him.

Her Pain
   
so, where too from here?  
she asks herself    
as a lone tear traces  
it's path down her cheek  
she's lying on her back in the dark  
speaking some home truths  
to herself and no one else  
   
she's been aware of these    
but buried them deep  
a conversation last night let her see  
she still wants the fairytale  
but in a different dressing  
she'd only been honest with half herself  
   
at a crossroads now, which way to go?  
being used, pain, experiences gained  
not being used, pain, no progression made  
   
awareness...a major part of this game  
the veil's been lifted  
the stark, bright light of reality in her face  
she's going into this fully aware    
   
surely this must prepare her she thinks  
it won't stop the pain she's bound to feel  
but maybe, just maybe  
she'll be better equipped  



   

SUICIDE

Something flutters inside her wrists
like birds in a fairy palace.
She unpins her brooch,
presses it through her skin
again, again.
She lifts her hands to her face,
makes a crimson print on her cheek,
waits a moment – or is it forever –
for the pulse to cease.
Nothing is like life.
Revenge is a trap.
Red armies march, their bullets
spattering from her arms
which she lifts to the sky like wings.

deleted

.:Ballad of ibn Abdilahi:.


this kid
of 15 seasons
they say he
had his reasons

they say him
homesick for the homeland
and

his moms & great-grands
and

him
thinking
better sorry
than faking safe

what a waif

him
stowed away
belly of a jetliner

saying “gotta go”
cause Africa
me alone “gotta find her”

dude,
with little food
him
saying him
fed up with Cali

him
rather chow down
somewhere
close to Mali

could it really be “that” bad?
makes me kinda
sad

so I pen'd this poem
though don’t know ’em
but I'm thinkin  
what a
willful -lad



..

Wow. I'm flabbergasted and really, really did not expect this. I deeply appreciate those who voted for me. I went up against so many very, very good writers, whose pieces were exquisite to say the least and captured with haunting clarity the true essence of the theme. I feel honored to have typed my thoughts onto the screen along with theirs. Once again, my deepest gratitude to all who entered and voted. This is truly a gift.