Poetry competition CLOSED 2nd March 2015 9:55am
WINNER
Anonymous
Anonymous
RUNNER-UP:
MadameLavender
TOURETTE'S POETRY
Poetry Contest Description
Write a short observational poem with offensive unfiltered outbursts of what you're really thinking... you fucker!
You... Cocksuckers! ...only have a week to write as many observational Tourette's poems as you want... Get a fucking life! [maximum 90 words], no collabs... Poofters! Perverts! ...and if you find this comp offensive, I'm sorry... Go fuck yourself! The idea was sparked by a friend's comment after hearing me... Swearing like a cunt! ...trying to record a spoken word video poem... And so, Tourette's poetry was born... Tony Abbott is an abortion!
Anonymous
Fuggin inn da frim cram
friggin in da froth
Grave E in dere fry pan
Go suck yellow broth.
(I see no ~d~rooles... Fraggin A...)
friggin in da froth
Grave E in dere fry pan
Go suck yellow broth.
(I see no ~d~rooles... Fraggin A...)
Anonymous
Watch out for Peter. He gets deep in the crass.
lol.
If my computer acts up again like it has been the past three days, I'll be back with a helpin of hell-yelpin.
lol.
If my computer acts up again like it has been the past three days, I'll be back with a helpin of hell-yelpin.
Anonymous
Varsity Tourette Conehead Delight
“Hot dog or burger?”
I couldn’t decide.
“The spuds are good
if you like fried.”
She was polite
but I was tight.
My eyebrow twitched
My tongue came untied.
“I’ll take a FUCKshake
Meat mash on side
and BLOWfish pie
a TOOTie HOOTie double deal
Hold the sneeze
and hurl the girlies.”
She didn’t flinch.
“Sir, tasty bits?”
I felt the pinch
“Just the ---SHITS!"
My neck cracked sideways
as I fell.
She wore no panties.
“HOG IN HELL!
WHOOOOpee WEEEEpie IN YER EYE!
Give me banana split to try.”
“Hot dog or burger?”
I couldn’t decide.
“The spuds are good
if you like fried.”
She was polite
but I was tight.
My eyebrow twitched
My tongue came untied.
“I’ll take a FUCKshake
Meat mash on side
and BLOWfish pie
a TOOTie HOOTie double deal
Hold the sneeze
and hurl the girlies.”
She didn’t flinch.
“Sir, tasty bits?”
I felt the pinch
“Just the ---SHITS!"
My neck cracked sideways
as I fell.
She wore no panties.
“HOG IN HELL!
WHOOOOpee WEEEEpie IN YER EYE!
Give me banana split to try.”
Anonymous
Word count tool tells me that's 93 words. SUN NOVA BITCH!!!!
EDIT 2/24: I removed 3 words now. Let it fly.
EDIT 2/24: I removed 3 words now. Let it fly.
Dear Mr. Case,
Please be advised (pissant) that I have taken the liberty to mark your competition with “extreme content” (you gravy-sucking pig) as the nature of this (bunghole) assignment is sure to cause offense to some (cry-baby fuckwits).
This is in no way a reflection on you, as a person, Mr. Case (shitbag), and all of DUP holds you in the highest esteem (reach-around faggot) as always.
If this is not to your satisfaction, (sue me, you rat-bastard) kindly message me and I will (ban your herpes infested ass) discuss with my superiors.
Regards,
Madame (Bitch) Lavender
Please be advised (pissant) that I have taken the liberty to mark your competition with “extreme content” (you gravy-sucking pig) as the nature of this (bunghole) assignment is sure to cause offense to some (cry-baby fuckwits).
This is in no way a reflection on you, as a person, Mr. Case (shitbag), and all of DUP holds you in the highest esteem (reach-around faggot) as always.
If this is not to your satisfaction, (sue me, you rat-bastard) kindly message me and I will (ban your herpes infested ass) discuss with my superiors.
Regards,
Madame (Bitch) Lavender
Vituperation
Anal, bastard, beat-off, bitch,
B.J., camel-jock, circle-jerk, clits,
Cock, corn-hole, cum, cunt, deep throat,
Dildo, eat me, fellatio;
Fist me, fornicate, fuck, fudge-pack,
Gang-bang, genital, get in the sack,
Golden shower, hard on, have me jerk off,
Lesbian, masturbate, muff diver love;
Potty mouth, pussy, rag head, rim job,
Scrotum, sixty nine, slag, slant, slob;
Sodomise, spank, teabag, tosser, twat,
Vaginal secretion, whip it out, whack;
Anal, bastard, Tourette's until too late,
Beat off bastard: vituperate.
Anal, bastard, beat-off, bitch,
B.J., camel-jock, circle-jerk, clits,
Cock, corn-hole, cum, cunt, deep throat,
Dildo, eat me, fellatio;
Fist me, fornicate, fuck, fudge-pack,
Gang-bang, genital, get in the sack,
Golden shower, hard on, have me jerk off,
Lesbian, masturbate, muff diver love;
Potty mouth, pussy, rag head, rim job,
Scrotum, sixty nine, slag, slant, slob;
Sodomise, spank, teabag, tosser, twat,
Vaginal secretion, whip it out, whack;
Anal, bastard, Tourette's until too late,
Beat off bastard: vituperate.
MadameLavender said:Dear Mr. Case,
Please be advised (pissant) that I have taken the liberty to mark your competition with “extreme content” (you gravy-sucking pig) as the nature of this (bunghole) assignment is sure to cause offense to some (cry-baby fuckwits).
This is in no way a reflection on you, as a person, Mr. Case (shitbag), and all of DUP holds you in the highest esteem (reach-around faggot) as always.
If this is not to your satisfaction, (sue me, you rat-bastard) kindly msessage me and I will (ban your herpes infested ass) discuss with my superiors.
Regards,
Madame (Bitch) Lavender
Spoken like a pro...
per... per... per...
prostitute!
Thank you, doc...
Quincy is a faggot!
Please be advised (pissant) that I have taken the liberty to mark your competition with “extreme content” (you gravy-sucking pig) as the nature of this (bunghole) assignment is sure to cause offense to some (cry-baby fuckwits).
This is in no way a reflection on you, as a person, Mr. Case (shitbag), and all of DUP holds you in the highest esteem (reach-around faggot) as always.
If this is not to your satisfaction, (sue me, you rat-bastard) kindly msessage me and I will (ban your herpes infested ass) discuss with my superiors.
Regards,
Madame (Bitch) Lavender
Spoken like a pro...
per... per... per...
prostitute!
Thank you, doc...
Quincy is a faggot!
Anonymous
and on the third day, he fucked us pretty
The cunts of shit-hot sinners
linger like praying nuns
fucking up the polished pews
with torn black stockings
on knees made for sex
and Jesus is coming
so you mother fuckers
will burn--
I'm still gonna be partying
down at the dock side
where the good shit
fucks up your chem-calms
in one bitch-ass acid drop
[repeated]
along with every whore
who ever sucked cock
in a chapel car park
in the hope
that selfish sin
would save them
one God-damned
rosary bullet
at a time
The cunts of shit-hot sinners
linger like praying nuns
fucking up the polished pews
with torn black stockings
on knees made for sex
and Jesus is coming
so you mother fuckers
will burn--
I'm still gonna be partying
down at the dock side
where the good shit
fucks up your chem-calms
in one bitch-ass acid drop
[repeated]
along with every whore
who ever sucked cock
in a chapel car park
in the hope
that selfish sin
would save them
one God-damned
rosary bullet
at a time
Anonymous
Fuck you
if you don't like me
pretty sure I don't exist
to breathe your air,
or
make pretty poetry
out of your hair
motherfuckers
You cast me out
like a cum-stained tissue
because the issue
is this:
Women like me
are fucking dangerous,
and because
you simply can't
play with us
you feel the need
to fling shit at us
and you know what
Momma's boys?
you make me sick
bitch please,
I wear heels bigger
than your fucking dick.
if you don't like me
pretty sure I don't exist
to breathe your air,
or
make pretty poetry
out of your hair
motherfuckers
You cast me out
like a cum-stained tissue
because the issue
is this:
Women like me
are fucking dangerous,
and because
you simply can't
play with us
you feel the need
to fling shit at us
and you know what
Momma's boys?
you make me sick
bitch please,
I wear heels bigger
than your fucking dick.
Anonymous
"Overkumm wit dezire att da stryppur barr"
Eye went down tew union jacks
tew fetch Catphish,
fucker.
He wuz sittin' near da danse floor,
cocksukker.
He wuz wastin' hiz nickullz,
dikkhead.
Itt wuz sadd.
Da whirld izza ruff place
Vagynuhh.
Eye went down tew union jacks
tew fetch Catphish,
fucker.
He wuz sittin' near da danse floor,
cocksukker.
He wuz wastin' hiz nickullz,
dikkhead.
Itt wuz sadd.
Da whirld izza ruff place
Vagynuhh.
what the fuck you speak?
the subway diet doesn't work if you eat it all day long hoe
shit,fuck,satan,crack cocaine,cannibal corpse and kelly osbourne
i love you so,love you so
fuck you
wanna teach you to read
but only about me
the american one
mass consumer, cool to be killer
c walk,puppy paws,south side,save the children
who i pay to take a charge for me
broken porcelein,
dog chewin on the wax seal with a 12 year old still in diapers
called poop who's the biggest earner
shit,fuck,satan,crack cocaine,incest,doo rags in trailer parks
What do you mean what do i mean?
what do You mean what do I mean?
the subway diet doesn't work if you eat it all day long hoe
shit,fuck,satan,crack cocaine,cannibal corpse and kelly osbourne
i love you so,love you so
fuck you
wanna teach you to read
but only about me
the american one
mass consumer, cool to be killer
c walk,puppy paws,south side,save the children
who i pay to take a charge for me
broken porcelein,
dog chewin on the wax seal with a 12 year old still in diapers
called poop who's the biggest earner
shit,fuck,satan,crack cocaine,incest,doo rags in trailer parks
What do you mean what do i mean?
what do You mean what do I mean?
The Incomplete Historian
The street poles have eyes;
electronic ones—
that’s how they watch
us all
me…
(fucker, fucker, chicken-cluckers)
Oh yes,
They saw it all—
Auchincloss killed Marilyn for fucking Jackie’s hubby
(cunt-puncher, daddy’s girl)
They want me to eat their gun
For taking up too much space in the world—
(Ameila Earhart’s a dyke and she crashed her plane on purpose--
Dyke! Dyke! Dyke!)
I’m not—
I won’t—
I’ll wait—
Jimmy Hoffa’s coming to pick me up in the Bel Air—
We’re gonna ride that bitch…
(Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!)
They can’t see me…..I know how to hide.
The President has talons,
and a bomb
(Shitbag, napalm-eaters; you shan’t overcome)
You wanna know why the Hindenburg blew?
--Someone farted and lit a match.
Hitler was corn-holing Castro—
(Dirty, dirty, little birdies…)
P.T. Barnum—I’m the freakshow!
Wait…..here comes Jimmy.
Jimmy! Beck said to kill the headlights and put it in neutral
so the eyes don’t see….
(Loser!)
Ssssh…..I’m getting in the car now.
The street poles have eyes;
electronic ones—
that’s how they watch
us all
me…
(fucker, fucker, chicken-cluckers)
Oh yes,
They saw it all—
Auchincloss killed Marilyn for fucking Jackie’s hubby
(cunt-puncher, daddy’s girl)
They want me to eat their gun
For taking up too much space in the world—
(Ameila Earhart’s a dyke and she crashed her plane on purpose--
Dyke! Dyke! Dyke!)
I’m not—
I won’t—
I’ll wait—
Jimmy Hoffa’s coming to pick me up in the Bel Air—
We’re gonna ride that bitch…
(Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!)
They can’t see me…..I know how to hide.
The President has talons,
and a bomb
(Shitbag, napalm-eaters; you shan’t overcome)
You wanna know why the Hindenburg blew?
--Someone farted and lit a match.
Hitler was corn-holing Castro—
(Dirty, dirty, little birdies…)
P.T. Barnum—I’m the freakshow!
Wait…..here comes Jimmy.
Jimmy! Beck said to kill the headlights and put it in neutral
so the eyes don’t see….
(Loser!)
Ssssh…..I’m getting in the car now.
