Poetry competition CLOSED 25th November 2014 10:46am
WINNER
Balefulmalevolence
View Profile Poems by Balefulmalevolence
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RUNNER-UP: Lee

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"a love that didn't love back"

poet Anonymous

Twisted up smile and the gleam of eyes
I'm sorry I wasn't exactly every inch you were looking for
And I became your object
Your plaything
And it's a long way down
Not onto any kind of soft ground.
I feel like I'm bleeding out.
I bite the pulse in your neck and trace the faded scars on your wrist
You traitor
Use me like I'm property
Well I see through
The fake promises and empty, hollow words
Words I no longer trust
The poison words, the bad, dark, hateful, satisfied words
You screamed my name
You said it was love
But you lied
You lied
Now you're nothing but a fake
I pity who else will succumb to you
You're just a fucked up memory...
Leave me be!
Stop haunting all my wicked dreams!
I don't want to see your face
You're the pulled trigger
That shatters into my brain
And you fill me with rage
Desire
Love
Hatred
and new scars

Lee
Fire of Insight
United States 4awards
Joined 1st Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 91

Deleted

Lee
Fire of Insight
United States 4awards
Joined 1st Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 91

un•re•quit•ed
(adj.)


I.
You know fall has resigned
when snarling enters the air
and leaves skip colors straight to dead and decaying.
His hand rested on wood and resentment;
too cold when you attempt to touch.
You touch him anyways
and pass the frostbite off as understanding.
He loves you.

II.
You were winged things embracing blue skies.
But clouds make poor foundations
and cobalt eyes turn stormy quickly.
Traveling south meant warmer weather,
but hurricanes swirl in his chest
and the atmosphere has become too potent to breathe.
You fly anyways.
He loves you.

III.
You’ve been trying to tell him
you love him all damn day,
but every breath you take
leaks please, don’t go instead.
You watch him walk away.
But you try not to worry.
He loves you.

IV.
Once upon a time,
he told you the best time to fall
was when you weren’t thinking about the ground.
When his hands spelt infinities across you skin,
you jumped.
But now his arms are at his sides
and he is watching as the ground grows closer.

Page_Writer
Mad Girl
Thought Provoker
United States 19awards
Joined 25th Nov 2011
Forum Posts: 183

Adam

He was a junior.
I was a freshman.
He was a bass.
I was an alto, sometimes a soprano.
He was a football player.
And on the debate team.
And he played Conrad in the musical.
I was a wallflower.
I blended into the background.
And wrote poems and stories in the back of the room.
He had two girlfriends that year.
Jessica & Sabrina.
One was younger than him by a year.
The other was his age.

He had a black hair.
And hazel, brown eyes.
And he was so tall, six foot something.
But I was never completely sure.

He had a solo that year in chorus.
And he was friends with almost everyone.

Everyone except me.

His name was Adam.
And he was my first crush during high school.
And he never once noticed me.
I dedicated songs to him.
I wrote letters telling him how I felt.
I blushed when he looked at me.

And one time he held the door open,
While I was walking down the stairs.

He held it open and waited for me.

"Almost lost you Anne."

He knew my name.
I laughed and smiled.
And then listened to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.
Over and over again in my room, when I got home.
I replaced the name "Stephen" with "Adam".
And I sang it to myself at night.
In my room, by myself.
Writing my poems and stories.
Thinking of him.

Adam. . .

A year later he didn't even know my name.
He never said "Hello" to me again.
I became invisible.
A passing trend.

But still, when I hear that song. . .

And I remember going to the musical just to watch him perform.
And holding my breathe and swooning when he sang his solo at the winter concert that year.

And then there was the time that I saw his picture in the paper, the debate team had won the night before.
So I told him:

"Hey Adam! You're in the paper!"

And he took it from my hand.
Read it and then handed it back to me.

"Thanks Anne."

And still I listened to that song again.
Blushing, smiling and swooning at the thought of him.
But he probably didn't even knew I existed.
I blended into the background so well.
I disappeared--
I might as well not have been there at all.

Then there was the day after the concert.
And our teacher wasn't in class, so it was a free day.
We had a sub and he told us to write our names and I.D. numbers on the blank sheet.

So I wrote my name, as neatly as I could.
Only for him, Adam to lean over with several other girls.
He was always friends with all the girls.
And the guys.
Everyone but me.

My gutiar knows the teardrops that I cried.
Over a guy that will never see me.
Only everyone else.
I'm invisible.

"Write my name for me Anne--"

"Uh sure. . ."

"It's A-D-A-M. . ."

A girl next to him hits his arm, "She knows how to spell Adam. . ."

They laugh, so do I.

You have no idea, I wanted to say.
But I didn't, I kept quiet and wrote down his name.
In my shakey handwriting and then handed the clipboard and pen to someone else, so that they may write their name.

I quickly learned later that he flirted with all the girls.
While ignoring the girl he was dating at the time.
And when he was ready to break up with a girl, he'd tell her to shut up and leave him alone.

And it makes me realize that maybe being ignored was better than being a victim to his charm.
Even if there were poems and songs, even letters and notes I wrote to him.
Even if I blushed when he said my name.

He never once noticed me after that first year.
The next year I came back and he didn't hold open the door.
Or ask me to write down his name.
I never congratulated him on the debate team's next win.
And he never knew my feelings.
That I poured into a letter.
Shoved into his textbook when he wasn't looking.

"Give my heart ease. . ."

I wrote the words as the chorus sang the song.
I hid in the background, confessed my feelings in a note.
Wrote a lyric from the song we would sing.
But I never signed my name.

I couldn't--
I was too embarrassed.
Too scared--
Too shy--

And a part of me, deep, deep down inside.
Didn't want him to know it was me.
Because I couldn't take being denied.
Or him turning mean or cold on me.

So let him stay inside my memory.
The guy with the black hair and the hazel eyes.
A bass, a junior.
And I an alto, a soprano, a freshman girl.

"Almost lost you Anne."

He'll always say that when I remember he hold open that door.
We were heading to chorus practice together, walking side by side.
Why was I cursed with shyness?
Maybe we could've talked?
But what would've I even said to him.
Someone who can break-up with a girl.
And next week have a new girlfriend.
Seven days flat.
Friends with everyone.
Throws a football.
And gets the lead in the musical.

How can I even compete?
The next year he had a new girlfriend.
Her name was Amber and she was so pretty and nice.
Even going as far as to compliment my singing once.
Then she friended me on Facebook.

"Nice job in chorus Anne."

And I smiled and said "Thanks".
Because what else was I suppose to say?
She wore hoodies and sweatpants.
And after graduation, she joined the service.
She wore her hair in a ponytail.
And was shorter than me.
Pretty blue eyes and an innocent smile.

And I watched her walk away.
And I saw them together a few times.
And I knew they both worked at the Dairy Queen together.
Laughing, talking, smiling and one time they were there when I was ordering food.
And I got out of there as quick as I could.

Because I never wanted to look at him again.
Remember the stupid school girl crush I had on him.
And she was so nice, I didn't want to risk becoming her friend.
Because if we had, if we did-- What would I say to her?

How could I be friends with her when I had been in love with her boyfriend?

So I walked away.
And left them be.
Let go of my crush.
And stopped listening to "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift.

But I never forget him.
Just like I never forget anything in my life.
It's in the back of my mind.
Just in case the song accidentally comes on.
And I feel like looking back.
On what one might call, a love whom just didn't (under any circumstances) love me back.

J_J_Jay_Jr
Fire of Insight
United States 17awards
Joined 20th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 218

Walked out


As she walked,
Out of my life.

She took with her,
The very air I breathed.

Such was the punch,
I felt in my stomach.

Leaving me,
Gasping,
Doubled over,
As if a fetus,
Curled,
On the floor.

J_J_Jay_Jr
Fire of Insight
United States 17awards
Joined 20th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 218

I only thought I knew you


When first I met you,
I was aroused by your style of dress,
It fit you,
Or the “you” I thought of as “you”,
The little bit I knew of you, then.

But more than that,
I was aroused by your smile,
The look you gave me,
The sparkle in your eyes,
The wet glossy look of your smiling, waiting lips.

Even more than that,
I was aroused  by your story,
The flow of your words,
The images they formed for me,
The view into you that opened within me.

Still more than that,
I was aroused by your ability,
To entrance me with the spell,
Of your imagination,
Given life within moments of meeting you.

My first thoughts of,
Fucking you and leaving,
Gave way to knowing you,
Holding you,
Folding you within my life.

As time and our lives,
Quickly wound together,
I dreamed that I knew you,
I opened myself to you.

I cuddled you into my life.

You added the rest,
You fucked me,
And left me.

I had not,
Actually,
Known,
You,
At all.

J_J_Jay_Jr
Fire of Insight
United States 17awards
Joined 20th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 218

I drink my coffee black.

Stirring sugar into it,
Is the vision I have of you,
As we sat sipping in the morning,
And the taste of your lips,
That still lingers,
Decades later.

Cream mixed in becomes,
The liquid chocolate of your skin,
Still brings tingling to mine,
And is a memory,
That delights my eyes,
Decades later.

Decades later,
Still,
Heartache,
Heartbreak,
Hurt,
Regret.

In lament,
I drink my coffee black.

J_J_Jay_Jr
Fire of Insight
United States 17awards
Joined 20th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 218

T’was never me just using you.


T’was never me just using you.
Never just to get me off.

Never just because,
I won the “game”,
Or played the “game” well,
Or even,
Just because I wanted it.

That was never,
Why I paid for dinner,
Or the movie,
Or took you dancing.

The holidays,
The trips,
Together,
When we spent some of the time,
“Together”,
But most of the time,
Being,
I thought,
A couple on Holiday.

I made certain you always,
Always,
Came too,
Most often, first,
And usually several times,
To my once or twice,
In our together times.

It was never only about me,
And my “needs”.
Or, at least, I thought not.

It was never when you were only willing,
I thought I was certain,
That always, you were wanting it with me,
As much as I wanted it with you.

You were never just a friend,
With benefits;
You were never just a booty call.

For me it was a step on the path,
We were traveling,
In becoming,
Not two separate,
But two together,
One.

So imagine,
My distress,
When I got your,
Wedding Invitation,
In today’s mail.

SirCreepy
Colten Sorrells
Fire of Insight
United States 4awards
Joined 13th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 375

I'll be back for this one. Any word/entry limit?  

poet Anonymous

a love that tried to love back
(hard)
but failed, stepped on by experience
dragged away by abandoned words
taking their revenge
(softly, slowly)
a love that began like the crash of drums
into a song that went on
with a bridge spanning miles
and a chorus just bright enough
to make me believe
(hard)
this love could love us back, and stay
past the end of the show, through the slow shuffle
of a drunken crowd
and i'd take your hand
(naturally)
and lead you home
(steadily)
and show you my mind
(carefully)
but this love recoiled
(fearfully)
and did not love again

littlePrince
pallormortis
Twisted Dreamer
Canada 2awards
Joined 16th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 67

for a small while

for a small while he was mine and i was his.
just for a bit.
i, his prince, and him, my knight.
but it didnt last...
i dont think he loved me back.
his words turned distant and eyes more so.
the affection i crave felt empty.
he said 'i love you' but if he did
why did he leave?
im not worth the effort, but ill keep loving you.
even though youll never love me too.

viollette
Lost Thinker
Zimbabwe
Joined 14th Apr 2014
Forum Posts: 17

It hurts to watch him hurt (inspired by Jerrine)

Like a shadow without a master
Wisps without air, I have become his ghost.
In his dreams have I been
A cloud of smoke in his eyes.
I see the tear in his heart, the brilliant scars
I fall on his cheeks with his pain
I hug him day and night but he does not know
Just but a soul I can only wander
Still it hurts to watch him hurt.

Ancient voices that cannot be aired
Guardian without wings, I have become his angel
I see when they have made him suffer
Mine are the eyes of his redemption.
In his death have I been, but I have resurrected him
I give him life when he has fallen
I am the keeper of his soul but he does not know
Just like Fravardin I can only wander
Still it hurts to watch him hurt.

I stand before him, he does not see
I whisper to him, he does not hear
I hold him, he does not feel it
I am his loving protector, he does not know
It hurts to watch him hurt.

FRAVARDIN (فروردین): Persian name derived from the word fravashi, meaning "guardian spirit."


poet Anonymous


Real Monsters



The devotion is assumed
because nature and everything right says so
in spite of the hints and whispers
pushed to the back corners of closets
like dust

a mothers love is deepest
despite all cries to the contrary
it's hard accepting anything else
contradictory to all we're taught  

so
them that know evil can reproduce
accept it no easier
and live with the burden of proof
always at their feet

deprived of even simple validation

having looked behind the curtain
at
the ones who see nothing and question less
but know it all
and will swear it til their last breaths

some know the monsters aren't in the darkness
under beds or in nightmares
they're just a room or three away
and daylight is the time for the scared to hide
while the front is upheld in suburbia

some think of
a look that promises pain
of betrayal that knocks the lungs flat with subtlety  
behind a smile that inspires chills
of
an enemy that has sworn to protect
and won't stop hurting
some think of
monsters
and are reminded of their mothers

some hope to be found by strangers
abducted to never return

some of us shouted into the abyss
begging to be swallowed up





poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
pseudonymous
Twisted Dreamer
3awards
Joined 8th Sep 2013
Forum Posts: 46

See It Too

I had nothing but the vagueness in my heart that told me, I was falling apart.
It made me cry over sad things that I never shed a tear for before.
I won't lie, it was weird. Feeling this for the first time, I was scared.
But the thought that I might see him pushed my feet in to that dim
Uncertain world called love. Just to talk, as we walked
To the meeting grounds of our group, even if they never kept me in the loop.
I didn't care, I was just there for that boy. The one who treats me like a toy.
He never will give me the time of day, he only stops in the hall to say hey.
This is all we are, two people in a click, pretending we're not sick.
I wish he could see this look in my eyes, so I could stop telling these lies.
I love him, but to him, I am only a friend. So I play pretend.
I pretend to care about this girl he likes, wishing she would take a hike.
"Give him to me," I want to say, I'd take better care of him anyway.
Nobody knows him like I do, I just wish he would see it too.

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