Poetry competition CLOSED 27th July 2014 12:24pm
WINNER
Allison_Wonderland
Allison_Wonderland
RUNNER-UP:
EngrVV
Page:
Let's have some fun
Poetry Contest Description
Write a funny poem
Humor can come about in various ways, by exaggeration (a elephant as heavy as a bee), the unexpected (she bent down to tie her shoe and comb her hair), a play on words (after dinner, we sat and passed the thyme), and so on.
The challenge is to write a short humorous poem. I'm fine with any style, length, but it should have some rhyme. But I would prefer to see verses present different points of view on the topic / title, then ending with a twist.
Here's a web site with suggestions on writing humorous poetry...
http://www.poetry4kids.com/blog/lessons/how-to-write-funny-poetry-chapter-4/
The challenge is to write a short humorous poem. I'm fine with any style, length, but it should have some rhyme. But I would prefer to see verses present different points of view on the topic / title, then ending with a twist.
Here's a web site with suggestions on writing humorous poetry...
http://www.poetry4kids.com/blog/lessons/how-to-write-funny-poetry-chapter-4/
This is a little bit rude,
ANTI-EROTIC POEM
Ah jayus, gives us a break,
Do you think you are the only person ever to ejaculate.
The thought of your saggy arse and flabby gut
Pounding on hairy flesh until you erupt,
Make's me quite ill;
You and that bloody little pill.
And when you spoke wish I didn't hear,
For I have to spend the next three hours
disinfecting innards of my ears. 
Ah jayus, gives us a break,
Do you think you are the only person ever to ejaculate.
The thought of your saggy arse and flabby gut
Pounding on hairy flesh until you erupt,
Make's me quite ill;
You and that bloody little pill.
And when you spoke wish I didn't hear,
For I have to spend the next three hours
disinfecting innards of my ears.
I wish I was funny
The sky would be sunny
And I would be happy as a….a…(whatever the fuck is happy)
(a bunny? an idiot? the cunt next door?)
My poems would be sappy (they are anyway…)
My step would be snappy (and I’d hum all day)
And I’d really want to live to be a hundred and four
The sky would be sunny
And I would be happy as a….a…(whatever the fuck is happy)
(a bunny? an idiot? the cunt next door?)
My poems would be sappy (they are anyway…)
My step would be snappy (and I’d hum all day)
And I’d really want to live to be a hundred and four
THE IRONY [the jvp.let's have some fun.edit]
my used to be girlfriend
she was my heart
she wasn’t a porn star nor
a rock star
no… but she was a track star
an attractive star, and
it was practice…
I’m told it was a PRACTICE
like A.I. (all inclusive)
no lie, I’m talking about PRACTICE!
you know
I gotta GET ME SOME…
PRACTICE!
http://www.missfitnesslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/killer_hamstrongs.jpg
fact is
she
had them
golden thighs
the kind that gave a rise
the kind for roving eyes
with thoughts from other guys
the thighs you love to love
and place around your neck
kiss along their length
a pair you can’t
forget
hate that
now they’re gone
knew it won’t be long
another took a look
not playin by the book
plan’d to kill some time
plan’d to do it wise
plan’d to pull them jeans
right off her
golden-thighs
he planned to
pull them jeans
right off her golden thighs
she planned to
pull them jeans
right off her golden thighs
them plans to
pull their jeans
right off their golden thighs
I wanna
blast some jeans
along with golden thighs
the irony of this?
his
girlfriend
looked at mine
she said
let’s make some
time
so..PRACTICE, now is closed
but open for us ho’s
who love them golden thighs
and that’s the
way it
goes
Selfish
Acne scars are on my face,
they weigh and tilt it down.
Coffee hangs upon my breath,
so I don’t make a sound.
Angry thoughts are in my head,
so I try not to think.
But though my cock’s a single inch,
I’ll buy ten girls a drink.
Acne scars are on my face,
they weigh and tilt it down.
Coffee hangs upon my breath,
so I don’t make a sound.
Angry thoughts are in my head,
so I try not to think.
But though my cock’s a single inch,
I’ll buy ten girls a drink.
Beware What You Wish For
A young girl with a good figure
Stood naked in front of the mirror
She wished for a man
To give her a bang
So she sat in the nude by the river
Along came a shy young fellow
In sexual ways he was yellow
She asked for a fuck
But such was her luck
He ran away with a bellow
Next came a very old man
He readily agreed to her plan
She gave him a suck
To stiffen his cock
But he came before he began
She then had a change in her luck
A real stud gave her a fuck
But he left in a hurry
She began to worry
Now her tits are for the baby to suck
A young girl with a good figure
Stood naked in front of the mirror
She wished for a man
To give her a bang
So she sat in the nude by the river
Along came a shy young fellow
In sexual ways he was yellow
She asked for a fuck
But such was her luck
He ran away with a bellow
Next came a very old man
He readily agreed to her plan
She gave him a suck
To stiffen his cock
But he came before he began
She then had a change in her luck
A real stud gave her a fuck
But he left in a hurry
She began to worry
Now her tits are for the baby to suck
Cheers
Here's to us, A lovely bunch we are
All celebrating at the local shit hole bar
With every beer imaginable, domestics far and near
I don't care whats on tap, I would love a shot and a beer
A pint of Stout here please, I'm not a girl of the light
Darkness rules for me, even when out for the night
Be it straight up whiskey, a car bomb or two
I like to keep it simple, I fancy nothing new
So here's to all of you, the bartender and me
A bunch of fucking drunks, we're a sight to see
We try not to be crazy, or fucking say fuck
If you cant handle our asses, that's your shit luck
Staggering a little, it may be time to go
Last call for the wasted, this is the end of our show
Ill call a cab for I refuse to drink and drive
Good night asshats, until we meet up at the next smelly dive...
( i thought it was funny )
Here's to us, A lovely bunch we are
All celebrating at the local shit hole bar
With every beer imaginable, domestics far and near
I don't care whats on tap, I would love a shot and a beer
A pint of Stout here please, I'm not a girl of the light
Darkness rules for me, even when out for the night
Be it straight up whiskey, a car bomb or two
I like to keep it simple, I fancy nothing new
So here's to all of you, the bartender and me
A bunch of fucking drunks, we're a sight to see
We try not to be crazy, or fucking say fuck
If you cant handle our asses, that's your shit luck
Staggering a little, it may be time to go
Last call for the wasted, this is the end of our show
Ill call a cab for I refuse to drink and drive
Good night asshats, until we meet up at the next smelly dive...
( i thought it was funny )
"8 Mins was enough for a Muppet HELL!"
Ok funny bunnies....here we go,
Fozzie bear smashed to cheese wiz out the
window...
Gonzo liked this so much his masturbatory
gland kicked in. Piggy my sweet seasoned
with his seeds deep from within.
Henson rolling in his grave like a spit-skewer
with a hell of a flame. Muppet Hell was where
he went I miss his voice now what a shame.
Beeker and bunson with their strange and otherworldly
James Bond :Q: Tech. Making another strange invention
that goes on the war path and cracks their fuzzy
stringy necks.
Was Labyrinth a little bit pedephile'ish Bowie wanting to
bang lil Jenny....She was so young and her parents sold
her for a measly penny!!!!!!!
What happened to the good old muppet movies when they were
magical and cool??? Driving cars riding bikes!!! Those days
obliterated like the WTC 911 into a fiery pool!
Now they are lame and fool of Katey Perry molesting Elmo. Parents
are appalled!! And little kids only encouraged by the Miley Cyruss
Modern Muppetress of giant rubber dongs and drug induced falls.
Ok funny bunnies....here we go,
Fozzie bear smashed to cheese wiz out the
window...
Gonzo liked this so much his masturbatory
gland kicked in. Piggy my sweet seasoned
with his seeds deep from within.
Henson rolling in his grave like a spit-skewer
with a hell of a flame. Muppet Hell was where
he went I miss his voice now what a shame.
Beeker and bunson with their strange and otherworldly
James Bond :Q: Tech. Making another strange invention
that goes on the war path and cracks their fuzzy
stringy necks.
Was Labyrinth a little bit pedephile'ish Bowie wanting to
bang lil Jenny....She was so young and her parents sold
her for a measly penny!!!!!!!
What happened to the good old muppet movies when they were
magical and cool??? Driving cars riding bikes!!! Those days
obliterated like the WTC 911 into a fiery pool!
Now they are lame and fool of Katey Perry molesting Elmo. Parents
are appalled!! And little kids only encouraged by the Miley Cyruss
Modern Muppetress of giant rubber dongs and drug induced falls.
"You Are What You Eat"
There was no way I was eating any,
They smelled like grandpa's old feet,
But mom scolded: "You better have plenty
'Cuz you know, you are what you eat."
So, when she left the room, I threw them all out
Because I don't wanna be a Brussels sprout.
There was no way I was eating any,
They smelled like grandpa's old feet,
But mom scolded: "You better have plenty
'Cuz you know, you are what you eat."
So, when she left the room, I threw them all out
Because I don't wanna be a Brussels sprout.
THE YOUNG PRIEST AND THE EGGS
There once was a young parish priest
assigned to offer mass at an annual feast
All the girls in town adored him
for he was good-looking, so fit and trim.
He went to market in the early morning,
bought some eggs he needed for baking
Completely forgot it was on that day
he was supposed to say mass and pray.
Good thing he remembered
that morning in September
Hurriedly put the eggs on the table
and changed clothes in the back hall.
Coming back to check on the eggs,
can't find them, even between the table's legs
Had no time to look for them,
started mass and sung the hymn.
During the sermon he wanted to find out
who among the churchgoers found the eggs
Can't wait any longer so he blurted out,
"My brothere and sisters, who among you has eggs?"
All the males stood up.
"No it's a big NO...
what I meant is, who has seen the eggs?"
This time all the females stood up.
"Oh no... it's another mistake,
I meant who among you has seen my eggs?"
Surprisingly all of the nuns in front stood up.
That's how they discovered the young priest's sexcapades
hope this made you laugh to ease the summer heat
as I begin to write his next escapade
I beg you to hold on to your seat.
There once was a young parish priest
assigned to offer mass at an annual feast
All the girls in town adored him
for he was good-looking, so fit and trim.
He went to market in the early morning,
bought some eggs he needed for baking
Completely forgot it was on that day
he was supposed to say mass and pray.
Good thing he remembered
that morning in September
Hurriedly put the eggs on the table
and changed clothes in the back hall.
Coming back to check on the eggs,
can't find them, even between the table's legs
Had no time to look for them,
started mass and sung the hymn.
During the sermon he wanted to find out
who among the churchgoers found the eggs
Can't wait any longer so he blurted out,
"My brothere and sisters, who among you has eggs?"
All the males stood up.
"No it's a big NO...
what I meant is, who has seen the eggs?"
This time all the females stood up.
"Oh no... it's another mistake,
I meant who among you has seen my eggs?"
Surprisingly all of the nuns in front stood up.
That's how they discovered the young priest's sexcapades
hope this made you laugh to ease the summer heat
as I begin to write his next escapade
I beg you to hold on to your seat.
