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Jokes and Riddles repository

clewluss
SMOOKY
Thought Provoker
Joined 22nd Apr 2014
Forum Posts: 281

Pick two of the following items to make something cute:

A dog,A man,A bull,A cow,A fence,A door,A car







A door A bull





Zazzles
Broomie
Tyrant of Words
United States 24awards
Joined 23rd Nov 2013
Forum Posts: 1779

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: He saw salad dressing!

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

Q: Why did the woman faint when the man gave her his heart?
A: She found out it came from one of his test subject.

Zazzles
Broomie
Tyrant of Words
United States 24awards
Joined 23rd Nov 2013
Forum Posts: 1779

Q:Why did the teacher fart in the Classroom?
A:Because she was a private tooter!

EngrVV
D_Poetic Engineer
Dangerous Mind
United States 40awards
Joined 11th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 2483

There once was a poet who died in Baltimore
Who wrote a famous poem that said, "Nevermore"
Although he was popular, great was his sorrow
He drank as if there was no tomorrow

(Needless to mention, I believe everybody knows him)

poet Anonymous

(on the inside of the bathroom stall)

Here I sit so broken hearted
came to shit but only farted

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
122awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16073

Facts of life.
What is making love Doggy Style?
He begs and begs and she plays dead.

Zazzles
Broomie
Tyrant of Words
United States 24awards
Joined 23rd Nov 2013
Forum Posts: 1779

Q:What did the cow say to the other cow?
A:Mooove over!

EngrVV
D_Poetic Engineer
Dangerous Mind
United States 40awards
Joined 11th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 2483

Q: What goes round and round the wood but never goes into the wood?
A: bark of a tree

Zazzles
Broomie
Tyrant of Words
United States 24awards
Joined 23rd Nov 2013
Forum Posts: 1779



Who in the hell is Bob?

Well Bob is the guy who gets home late one night and Marilyn his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?"

Bob replies "I was out getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking"? She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Certified Public Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."



rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Ukraine 2awards
Joined 20th May 2012
Forum Posts: 2051

even bullets bounce off of Rick O'Shay

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

A man is in a bathroom stall, he hears a voice say "hi!" he waits and says hi back, the man continues talking with the other man answering, the man in the other stall finally says "I've got to go, this idiot in the other stall keeps answering me"

Waterviolet
Fire of Insight
Canada 4awards
Joined 14th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 628

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from St Louis swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint. The brand pictured works great.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.

Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of black paint  on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

johnrot
Tyrant of Words
21awards
Joined 10th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 3645

i'm sure i already played it  a few times but......

how do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?


buy the bitch a shovel

johnrot
Tyrant of Words
21awards
Joined 10th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 3645

was the difference between an irish christening and an irish funeral?

one less drunk

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