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Jokes and Riddles repository

Waterviolet
Fire of Insight
Canada 4awards
Joined 14th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 628

What do u call a blonde doing a hand stand ?

A brunet with bad breath

m_abbott1999
Madi
Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 2nd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 509

What do you call five black people hanging from a tree?
An Alabama wind chime.

m_abbott1999
Madi
Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 2nd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 509

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you slap it.

m_abbott1999
Madi
Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 2nd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 509

What's a redneck virgin?
An eight year old who can run faster than her brothers.

What did the redneck say after losing her virginity?
"Get off me, Dad. You're crushing my cigs."

Waterviolet
Fire of Insight
Canada 4awards
Joined 14th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 628

How do u curcumsize a redneck ?

Kick his cousin in the jaw

Waterviolet
Fire of Insight
Canada 4awards
Joined 14th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 628

How do u fit a 100 packies in a car ?

The ashtray

m_abbott1999
Madi
Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 2nd Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 509

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.

Arthur
The literate one
Lost Thinker
Australia 1awards
Joined 11th July 2014
Forum Posts: 78

A man is having an argument with his girlfriend.
Girlfriend: I'm breaking up with you.
Man: Why?
Girlfriend: Because your a pedophile.
Man: Hmmmmmm pedophile, that's a big word for a 7 year old.

m_L
Lost Thinker
United States 1awards
Joined 15th July 2014
Forum Posts: 25

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.
The bartender notices the man looks down, and asks, "What's got you down?"
The man replies, "I just found out my father's gay."

The next night the man returns and asks for two shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks him, "What's got you down now?"
The man replies, "I just found out my son's gay."

The man returns a third time and asks for three shots.
The bartender crosses his arms and asks the man, "Jesus, does anyone in your family like girls?!"
The man replies, "Yeah, apparently my wife."

Arthur
The literate one
Lost Thinker
Australia 1awards
Joined 11th July 2014
Forum Posts: 78

Ok.

a man is alone working at the bar. He's covering for his friend, who is out at his anniversary. He's about to close up because no one has come in for the last hour. When a beautiful blonde walks in, and sits down at the bar. "I'll have a coor" she says. The man gets her a coor, and leans on the bar across from her. "So... How ya doing?" he asks. The woman doesn't reply, but just keeps drinking. The man turns away and hoes about cleaning already clean glasses. 'Thud' he turns around to see the blonde has passed out. "excuse me... Miss" he asks, but no reply. They are the only two in the bar, and she is unconscious. He smirks as he closes the bar and the shutters. He then has his fun with her.
The next night his friend is back, once again no one is there. The first man is telling his friend about the night before, when the blonde comes un again. She orders a coor, and after a few minutes of drinking, passes out. The men close shop, and have their fun. The next night the bar is half full, the men having brought their friends. The woman walks in again, drinks a coor and passes out. The men eagerly close shop, and all have their fun in a circle. The next night the bar is full, as everyone had brought a friend. True enough, the blonde walks in again. Many smile and some murmur as the woman sits down at the bar. "I'll have a gin" she says. "no more coors?" the man asks. "No more coors for me. They make my pussy sore"

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
122awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16067

A man walked into a bar and fainted right out.
He didn't see it come down as he passed the parking ticket booth.

Angel_Of_Darkness
Rune L
Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 22nd Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 608

What's the difference between a smart blonde and big foot?

Maybe one day we'll find big foot.

Arthur
The literate one
Lost Thinker
Australia 1awards
Joined 11th July 2014
Forum Posts: 78

A brunet commits suicide, not a real big deal.

A blonde commits suicide, and suddenly breaking news because: firstly she forgot the note and secondly, she used a bouncy ball.

night-star
Rhiannon
Thought Provoker
United States
Joined 11th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 154

Dont know if this counts as a joke but I think its funny. Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, Jack got a shock with a face full of cock, cause Jills real name was Randy.

Arthur
The literate one
Lost Thinker
Australia 1awards
Joined 11th July 2014
Forum Posts: 78

A blonde and a brunette are watching the 8 o'clock news. The top story is a man is about to commit suicide, off the Sydney harbor bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "I bet you $50 he jumps", "your on" replies the blonde. Ten minutes later, sure enough the man jumps. "ahhhh, okay here's your 50". The brunette turns to the blonde and says "I can't take your money." "why not?" asks the blonde. "well to be honest, I saw the story on the six o'clock news" says the brunette. "so did I" says the blonde "but I didn't think he'd jump again"

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